Erika Kirk — The 6 Stages of Grief…For A Trifling Hoe

Ahhh, yeah, we're going there — So either buckle up or get off this ride before Your Humble Correspondent proceeds to "Prove You Gullible”.

Photo: commons.wikimedia.org by Gage Skidmore, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

Erika Kirk (54892408692)

For those who may have missed it, the Open Borders Enthusiast and Astroturf Free Speech advocate Charlie Kirk was taken out a few months back in a very public (and highly unnecessary) manner.

This Author shall not delve into who done the deed since if you want to know…well, you already know.

As for my personal animus toward Fifth Columnist Kirk, it has nothing to do with his alleged "raiiiccciiisss” behavior which, in fairness, did not exist unless you are from among the Outragistes always looking for "aggressions” or whining about "privileges”.

On the contrary, Charles was as Civ-Nat (AKA Civic Nationalist) as you are ever going to find in politics.

My beef with Ground Chuck was he hated his own People and wanted to replace Authentic Americans with Third Worlders…right up to the Turning Point our sorry Prez Don Cheeto was elected. Then such positions became unprofitable and Captain Kirk altered his course to align with the Patriotic Right.

Thus, while I don't agree with parties killing him due to foreign affairs squabbles, don't ask me to weep over the corpse of a Traitor who was ever-ready to plant Traditional American kids into the graveyard in order to make way for his precious Haitian-Somalis; of whom there is no difference other than no one wants either of that refuse around…not even in Haiti or Somalia themselves.

Guess Who Else Ain't Lamenting Charlie?

Little Miss Pleather Pants. (The fact I don't even need to drop a name says you already recognize her.)

Now, far be it from Yours Truly to call Pleather Pants a "Slut” — mainly because I prefer the term "Hoe”.

This past weekend PP was at the AmericaFest cabal…which I suppose is…who the Hell even knows?

Something, something, "Get a Photo Op at the Tent Replica where my Hubby took his headshot!”.

(No joke, Sportsfans, this Hoebag actually set up a Reproduction of the Crime Scene…for Selfies.)

All of which SHOULD inform you about whom you are dealing — but in case you are naïve, I give you:

The 6 Stages of Grief for Trifling Hoes

1. WWE Funeral Mania '25 — The very first thing you must do when your husband bleeds out is to contact a suitable venue for the Fireworks Extravaganza Sendoff. Occasionally, that location is already reserved. What then? You bat your eyes and ring the Prez (who COINCIDENTALLY you have known for years when you were his "Pageant Girl”) to arrange a swap out of dates.

Once the locus is determined (a coliseum arena since that is the natural place of genuine bereavement) you telephone the local Pyrotechnics Expert to coordinate your entrance at the shindig. As all the best planners will tell you, "It ain't no memorial without Mofo sparklers!”.

Finally, you make sure everybody who is anybody (or at least, wants to be) is in attendance. It doesn't matter whether they knew jack about your spouse or not. Likewise, pay no mind to whether they have anything important or interesting to say. (Some of them will make up words, so when they do, just nod politely.) Oh! Oh! Oh! Don't forget your White Suit with a TaTa Tank!

2. Your DTF Apparel — Speaking of, you are going to hafta go shopping. Any "Trad Wife” attire simply won't cut it no more, Hoes. In this, you need to be thinking of a single fabric…SPANDEX.

You want everything form-fondling. If it don't look as if you were poured into the fit, they ain't the threads for you. (Should anyone question how you went from "Mildly Rotund” to "Sexy Svelte” at PRECISELY the instant you needed to play F*ckable Widow? I don't know…claim Sexism? Cry harder? Whatever gets them to quit asking uncomfortable questions on timing.)

In the present instance, you simply MUST have your black pleather pants (and matching panties) ready for the Six Week Anniversary of the Assassination. You can't be seen without them. Furthermore, or in this case less, when you do the AmFest in Deep Winter…wear a mini-skirt.

As for accessories? Sequins, cutie! You better get your Bedazzler near and Sequin the sh*t out of your shirts. You're a Star now and you best sparkle like one!

3. Snuggle Bunny Needs Affection — Body language is very important. After you've got the Set and Costumes down you need to move on to Choreography, which in this situation means "Little Girl Lost” embraces; that is a very effective psychological tool which prompts the "Protection Urge” in Males of the White Knight I Can't Get No Poon Variety. (As in, Federal Director Youth Size.)

Fortunately, dear Pleather can provide examples. One of these was the Funeral Mania Event itself where she did the whole "Curl Under Your Chin” psy-op to dotard President Donald Trump. Moreover, little PP added the balled-up fists (a la Cosplay Kitten Girls) that Males seem to LOVE.

Unfortunately, at this juncture Madame Melania did not avail herself an opportunity to right the wrong or, as some of my ladies would say, "Lani outta snatched that b*tch's weave "til she cried some tears gen-u-ine…'dis Hoe bin usin' the same wadded napkin on her lids fo' months now!”.

Thus, supine PP took it even farther (as women of a certain kind are wont to do) with the whole Harlequin Romance Cover Fingers-In-Hair Erotic Post-Coital Grip on Vice President JD Vance. To her credit, Usha stepped to it and removed her wedding band round about a fortnight afterward to let James Bowman (his real name) know it "was NOT goin' down like dat, fo' damnnn sure”.

4. Monetizing Your Loss — Make certain, even if you fail to secure another woman's fellah, that at the very least you always Secure The Bag; fake eyelashes, satin minis and endless tissues don't pay for themselves!

But in this Economy, how to achieve your aim? Well, first off, you're a fool if you weren't charging for the funeral. And I don't merely mean tickets, either. You've got Merch to peddle! Then is the whole issue of Broadcast Rights. What about Meet and Greets over the Casket? For the Clever Grifter there is no end to the ways in which you can make a buck these days!

Then come the real opportunities. After all, what use it is being in Media if you aren't selling? That's the entire purpose of Media in this country! Now, initially, it seems Pleather was going to push a tome entitled "Letters From Charlie” since PP was chatting his Sunday Missives to her at every opportunity. Except, there were certain…anomalies…regarding the take-down.

Therefore, her bibliography had to be ret-conned so we get a text — from a self-proclaimed Christian — about Judaic Holidays; which is clearly where discerning Hebrews get vital Emes.

If that gives you pause? Racism, Sexism, Whatever-ism…only quit with the questions, Hater.

5. You Ain't Seen Nuttin', Bro — While HOW to look is important, where NOT to look is essential. Okay, so even if you are not A PLANT, maybe you got the "suggestion” you shouldn't be staring directly into the Sun (which, I remind you, is the best disinfectant). You have kids, fair enough.

Only thing, if you want to be in the spotlight you need to shut it down if any "Pain In The A** Bystanders” start talking about things they saw…or didn't see…or how guns don't function that way…or why there were so many purposeful distractions (just like at the Boston Marathon Bombing, which you should ALSO not question, you Filthy Racist Hater sitting in your Basement).

This one can be a challenge, because any NORMAL widow might be expected to welcome friends, relatives, eyewitnesses, ballistic experts or anyone else with a decent intention spending personal time figuring out what really happened.

Ideal course of action? The Straw Man Double Canard Method whereby you: A) claim anyone curious has nefarious motives, B) promptly accuse them of infractions they did not commit (for instc, "You're coming after my children!” or "You won't allow me to mourn in peace in front of the cameras!”), followed by a healthy dose of, C) denying obvious evidence that obviously exists.

6. Run For Office — After you have established each of these meticulous steps, you may ascend out of the Purgatory of your Media Tour. But what does a "good woman trying to make her way in the world” do then? Naturally, you run for Office…in Arizona…to eventually unseat Mark Kelly…

Who more Sequin Pleather Pants Suited to supplant a Gun Rights Senator on his Main Issue than a Gun Violence Widow…

It's exactly like a Feature Film…or…at least as good as an After School Special…

Lucre and Power and Sex

Being the Wife of a Fake Conservative is hard. Being the False Widow in Facilitated Matings is harder.

Trying not to laugh at this pretentious charade is hardest of all.

One final bit of advice for the Lust Lorn?

Ever deny, always cry.

And should any pesky Columnists at Pravda spill the beans on your Hoedown, go ahead and call them every slur and slander in your thesaurus…only don't expect it to be effective.

Real Ones are made of sterner stuff.

Aside of which, I done already tole you, perfidious Slut…I'm the Most Evil Man Alive.

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America