Ukraine Airport Terror vs. Russian Casey Jones

Ukraine is again attacking innocent Russian civilians.

Photo: https://stroi.mos.ru/gallery/4551 is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 4.0

Vnukovo airport in Moscow

This time, it is in the form of hundreds of their Drone Terror Swarms which shut down passenger flights.

Important to note, the Cosplay Brigades could attack Russian military airports…but they don’t. Instead, the Ukrainians obeying their Costumed Crusader have become increasingly desperate; thus targeting students, grandmothers and children.

So much for the vaunted Ukrainian “bravery”.

Russian Civilian Errors

To be clear, there are obviously Ukrainian civilian victims as well. Except, in the vast majority of cases, these are caused by Russian attacks on Ukrainian military targets which are intercepted then result in “collateral damage” in the sense no one can predict where a diverted missile lands.

The Cartoon Ukrainian Castmates deliberately aim their vile attacks at innocent Russian citizens.

In these intentions there is a world of difference, even if similar tragedy results.

How To Fight A Costumed Joke? By Making Him The Punchline!

As a result, here is what Your Humble Correspondent would do were he in the Kremlin basement.

(Giving all due respect to Vlad, even if he is a little slow making my blonde Lolly delivery…*cough*)

Phase One – Military

Top priority for me would be to quit targeting anything in City Centers other than Train Stations.

As a matter of fact, I would only target Train Stations for the foreseeable future.

Why? Trains are the veins of Ukraine. You destroy the Train Stations, you destroy population circulation, thus you (largely) destroy the resupply flow to Ukrainian Cosplay Brigades.

In the sense of whatever is lawfully allowed, it would be efficacious to incapacitate every Train Station possible even to the extent they were not entirely devastated; only make them unusable in every way.

Phase Two – Psychological

As this was being done I would roll out a new figure in Russian martial personalities – Casey Jones.

Now, foreigners may not be familiar with Casey Jones, but he is a kind of American folklore hero from the old-timey railroading days. The actual Jones was a man who perished in a…train accident.

I would fit the new fellow out in waistcoat with tails, give him a monocle and handlebar mustache; only because this is the image every modern person has of a railroad icon.

Then I would have Slavic Casey Jones photographed with Russian officials; not high officials, but peripheral ones to imply this MIGHT be a real person. (Such as photos with Medvedev, etc.)

Our Casey Jones would be seen in semi-official surroundings, visiting artillery factories, and so on.

Phase Three – Ukrainian Paranoia

Soon enough, the Ukrainian “Government” would be in a tizzy attempting to figure out if “Casey Jones” was an authentic military personality or an epic troll on them. Many brows would be furrowed.

From a perspective, obviously this MUST be fake…argues one Cosplay faction. From competing perspective, he IS meeting with important individuals while touring military facilities…counters another.

No doubt, much effort and time would be squandered trying to discern the truth. Meanwhile, every instance Ukraine asked the American Administration for help with “The Casey Jones Dilemma Regarding Widespread Train Station Destruction” the Yankie personnel would be laughing themselves silly.

Phase Four – Oh, It Gets Better

Then, I would employ some idled factory in Russia to begin producing toy trains.

These toys would be the high-quality type with functional whistle and smokestacks.

Afterward? I would deliver them around Christmastime to Ukraine, via some Third Nation such as Moldova, as “Humanitarian Relief For Children” in the tens of thousands.

I’d make sure every child in Ukraine wanted a train set for the holidays.

And the moniker on the side of these tot engines? “The Casey Jones Special”.

Can you envision it? Same time Ukrainian Papa is off at the front fighting, to defend against Casey Jones Train Bombs, little Ukrainian Kiddie are home asking for The Casey Jones Special engine for Christmas!

(We could also do something like Katrina Jones as the female version toy of the season.)

Phase Five – A Little Jingle Goes A Long Way

Never, ever, underestimate the power of a good jingle; some tune which stays with the listener.

There have been elections in America carried by a little ditty when the candidate had large failings.

Clearly, this would be on the theme of Heroic Casey Jones.

I’m thinking along the lines of “Sixteen Tons” by Tennessee Ernie Ford (about a miner), “Big Bad John” by Jimmy Dean (about another miner) or “M.T.A. or The Boston Subway Song” by The Kingston Trio (about a project no one even remembers anymore, but which people can sing the tune immediately).

Make it simple, easy to recall, and very “catchy” so every Ukrainian housewife will hum it without even realizing what she is doing.

Morale, Sportsfans, that’s where every conflict begins and ends.

American Folk Hero Wins The Day!

All of which results in Ukrainian bafflement.

They won’t know if Casey Jones is actually real. They won’t know how to bring the topic up to their Western masters. They won’t tolerate their children playing with Casey Jones toys. They won’t endure their wives and girlfriends droning along to the musical exploits of his fantastic adventures.

Oh, also their Train Stations will all be blown to smithereens in the meantime.

To be candid a moment, many struggles are filled with sorrow and that is nothing to laugh about - ever.

Only this would not be the first time in History an entire army fell apart due to games and theory.

Finally, it may induce Ukrainians to respect rules in not targeting Russian civilians with Terror Drones.

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America