I'm Glad Trump Hates Cancer Kids

(Editor's note: The following is a satire piece)

Photo: commons.wikimedia.org by Gnangarra, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/

Больничная палата

The Federal Government is now reopened and I, for one, could not be happier.

What a cornucopia of benefits for wealthy people such as myself. (Not joking.)

First of all, there are tremendous Tax Advantages for the better half. That's we earning or having more than $100,000 a year…and them's on the low end.

Second of all…well, know what? Let's make a record of boons!

My List — You Ain't On It

I'm glad that cancer kids will die. If those pallid little bastards wanted to live they ought to have gotten born without cancer. I loathe seeing them simp around seeking "treatment” and such. Good riddance!

I'm glad that Americans won't have to wait in airport lines for two hours (or even four!) and consider a lifetime of Affordable Health Care a reasonable trade for getting home or back to work on schedule. Speaking of…

I'm glad you Plebians who weren't born flush get to labor until your dying day — LITERALLY — since you can't afford your Diabetes medication or what-the-Hell-ever you Poors order from the online pharmacy.

I'm glad my Johnson and my Pfizer portfolios will skyrocket as you Little Punks get hooked on "Your Meds” from womb to tomb with ever-increasing side-effects (such as aforementioned Diabetes) which are TOTALLY not an intentional by-product of those treatments.

I'm glad that I will get to hear more stories about Slavery, the Holocaust as well as Late-Stage Patriarchy according to brainless morons who are fixated on ancestors who may (or may NOT) have perished generations if not centuries ago because it distracts from the tens of millions about to die right now.

I'm glad the internet exists because that service allows for low-cost porn and Sportsball gambling which are about the only two ways for anyone birthed in the Bottom Half to dice-toss such meager lives into prosperity. (Also glad that most Americans are blissfully unaware of things such as Odds and Statistics.)

I'm glad incoming Mass Human Displacement (MHD) will throw a quarter of the population of the United States out of gainful employment because desperate Citizens are the easiest for Richy Riches like me to swindle…cue Gary Larson…”Double Your IQ or No Money Back!”.

I'm glad soon lechers will have an endless supply of hot teens in need of cash to exploit…I suggest finding a pretty blonde with a newborn who is sick or, better yet, finagling a cutie whose brother has an incurable illness to entice with Health Coverage and when you're done you can either pimp her out via OnlyFans or the Old-Fashioned method — that's Capitalism at its finest for you, my friends.

I'm glad my ancestors founded a few banks, got in on the ground of a few pharma corporations, and taught me how to do a few stock trades to make your weekly salary in a few hours because I sure as blazes wouldn't want to be you.

I'm glad our Government allows a Trillionaire to exist at the same time less than half his fortune would fund Health Care for a third of the working population of this country, since if they permit that then they permit anything, and as Most Evil Alive you really would be shocked what I will do for goodtime jollies.

I'm glad Trump is such a vapid husk that he swapped his offspring — one Arab, one Christian, one Jew, etc., and likely the youngest going to be farmed over to a gay mulatto Samoan — for bags of gold; since a fellow such as that is a proverbial "man we can deal with”.

I'm glad I'll be done with this pathetic country and despicable mortal coil soon enough.

I'm glad most of you are too stupid to realize how bad things are going to become.

So Long, Suckers

Finally, to the Boomers (whom I hate to a person) you need to understand that your sacred Free Market does not exist…in the sense your Medicaid (which you ALL use save those named Rockefeller or Rothschild) is subsidized by 75% every time you employ it.

Also, there were no Illegals "getting free Health Care” other than any who used the Emergency Room which is mandated by Law because less than a lifetime ago hospitals were PHYSICALLY DUMPING the unwell without cash onto the sidewalks if they could not pay.

Furthermore, lest we neglect "Marginalized Communities” please take note there was no Organized Outcry from the Alternative Lifestyle cohort despite the reality any of those folk living on the median wage are more than two times the average users of the Now-Formerly Affordable Health Care system.

Likewise, for the past 15 annums (nearly a generation) medical "Pre-Existing Conditions” have been covered by Health Care, which Trump or Hindu Husband is presently going to remove within the next few years. So if your granddaughter has a baby with ANYTHING wrong and she earns less than $50,000 a year?…I don't know…sell it, I suppose…in Canada over 5% of deaths are by "Euthanasia”…there's that.

Moreover, for all you Harpies screeching about "Muh Rights” on Abortion, you better get used to killing your kids — whether you want to or not — since that will become "the only humane thing” in less than your lifespan. Because, after all, the divine "National Debt” takes precedence over caring for those Lessers with even the slightest birth deficiency.

Ultimately, you get what you tolerate. I'm going to be just fine. Matter of fact, I made money today. It's "Blood Money” of course. But, also of course, that's the American Way.

You fools don't have any idea yet…but you're about to learn.

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America