EXCLUSIVE: Original Zelensky Peace Plan Details Exposed! Sort of

Last month in Switzerland was held the Davos Economic Forum for dividing and conquering the world.

When Commander Cosplay deigned to appear he also brought over a plan for peace with Russia which was met with bemused looks from attendees and furtive counsels in the Kremlin over whether Zelensky had gone completely insane or his demands were instead an elaborate troll of the situation.

The Official Delusional Plan of Peacemaking…

For those missing it, the main things Cosplay (seriously) wants:

  1. Russia, which is currently winning in the Donbass, to surrender all the territories it presently holds as well as Crimea which has been a part of the nation (with brief interlude) for hundreds of years,
  2. Russia to pay for all of the rebuilding to be done in the Ukraine now that Zelensky and his corrupt cohorts have destroyed half the country following his threats to aim nuclear missiles at Moscow,
  3. Russia to evidently submit to hundreds of thousands (no kidding) of alleged "war crime” prosecutions of its soldiers and leaders and basically anyone else residing in the country.

Important to note: Cosplay was apparently dead serious about these mandates.

Enter Agent Somerset…

Be that as it may, your intrepid Correspondent took it upon himself to assist in ascertaining whether Cosplay was once more high on cocaine or had simply taken leave of his senses.

Donning his very best Einstein wig, Trotsky spectacles and Groucho Marx mustache (a disguise frequently employed when on dangerous assignments) this author surreptitiously entered the enclave.

Sifting countless floors of trash receptacles littered with stale croutons and half-eaten brie bagels your incognito man on the scene was eventually to locate evidence regarding the ominous truth.

What follows is both disturbing and shocking, thus Pravda Readership should proceed with extreme caution.

For those of stout heart, here below is presented the discarded apparent First Draft of the Zelensky Peace Proposal as it appeared in his own handwriting, directly transcribed for posterity.

Very Serious Things Follow…

Ukraine Plan of Peace for Prosperous and Profitable Future — 5 Years Plan

  1. Russia gives me everything. Surrendering, Lands, Trials, and such. (Have speechwriter make sound better for Press Conference.)
  2. Russia makes me King of Kiev without elections. (For life? Maybe fifty years only?…Decide later.)
  3. Russia sends me lots pretty women. (Why Putin gets all the best girls? Also, why every Ukraine girl has blemishes somewhere? It's like "guess the scar origin” over here? So unfair!)
  4. Russia allows me a Zelensky Variety Hour on media every night. (Prime Time only!)
  5. Russia provides me boots like Ron DeSantis wears in America. (All photos appear short! Why did my photographer take "Hero Walk” shot of me? I look like Oompa Loompa there!)
  6. Russia arranges for Anna Chapman to go on date with me. (Possible conflict with Point 3 of plan above.)
  7. Russia transfers Mir Space Station to Kiev control. (Do we need space program first? Maybe Russia also gives Star City to Ukraine? If so, what comes first?…Ohhh, wait…)
  8. Russia provides me awesome jetpack. (NOT ocean kind. Real kind. Like Musk has.)
  9. Russia contracts with Colombia to provide me with "the good stuff” for my nasal congestion. (Only uncut pure kilos!)
  10. Russia must allow me to Trannify all children under age of 10 within national borders. (Surgical, not chemical. Once we kill all old men, we Trannify all children and Soros says then I get paid bank!)

NOTES: Remember, wear dirty uniform. Also, don't shave. Try not to rub nose in meetings.

Dark Times Indeed…

Despite the obviously unhinged nature of the Cosplay Peace Assertions publicly announced in Davos, this author can verify the additional demands evidently scrubbed by George Soros, Anthony Blinkin and other Advising Taskmasters of the Ukraine were in fact far worse than any of us anticipated.

Whether these discarded addendums have been excised in perpetuity or are merely on hold until Zelensky inevitably marches on Moscow (followed, presumably, by a Westward Alexander-esque campaign for the Ukraine to conquer all of Asia) remains to be seen.

And yet, seeing is believing!

Following the breathtaking scope of "peace plan” stipulations made last week anything is possible.

Until then, this commentator will keep on the case.

Miss Chapman is welcome to be my sidekick…

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America, DONATE BTC TO THIS WALLET — bc1qjsczn5raldujpm250lm0asr5ssrm9g2cy625uz

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Author`s name Guy Somerset
Editor Dmitry Sudakov