Greenland — Where The Green Cash Grows

Why does it fall to Your Humble Correspondent to explain things like GREENLAND!?!

Photo: commons.wikimedia.org by Nanopixi, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Greenlandic flag

Seriously, you think I want to do 1500 words on an Eskimo village?

(Yes, I know…1. They aren't Eskimos, 2. Dat's Raicisss, but 3. It's also very funny.)

Only here we are…since apparently none yous can figure the Trump Doctrine on Greenland absent moi.

Therefore, let's do this by truncation.

Greenland — In Briefis Extremis

Not everyone knows about the History of Greenland…mainly because no one cares about the History of Greenland. At the same time, I suppose it would behoove us to BRIEFLY review the U. S. association.

Greenland: The Dawn of Man to 1941 — Nobody except sadomasochistic Eskimos inhabited this burgh.

Greenland: The Oh Hey Nazis! Era of 1941 — The initial dual American bases were established on Greenie "cause dem Nutsies be clever, consisting of the U. S. Coast Guard as well as the Army Air Corps stations.

Greenland: The Eternal War Post-WWII Commencing 1951 — Because the U. S. ever needs adversaries, we constructed the Thule Air Base; later renamed the Pituffik Space Base to sound more awesome.

Greenland: The Why Not Do World War III Period of the 1960s — Under Treaty with Denmark the Americans planted tons of flags; a technical euphemism of 17 colonies, depending how you count.

Greenland: The Peace Dividend We Squandered from the 1990s — Given there was no Big Bad of consequence (much like the atrocious finale of the ONCE-hit Netflix program "Stranger Things”) the Americans began taking home all their toys; with the Rocket Ship Outpost being the last remaining.

So that's where Trump comes in…because why does anyone want Tranquility when some deranged Plutocrat can wrench a few more shekels out of Taxpayers for his Lucre Hungry Chumleys?

The Experts Cometh to the Icemen…

Former U. N. Rep and Continual Warmonger John Bolton, who NEVER misses an opportunity to pretend as if he is a VIP…and an Intellectual…or discuss everything in terms of War Commentary…went on Times Radio to say when HE was in the First Trump Administration "his team uncovered” a forgotten Treaty!

*UGH*…which bears repeating repeatedly…*UGH* *UGH*

When a supposed "expert” picks up the kiddie slang (aside from using it to ridicule a la Yours Truly), you know you're dealing with a dishonest individual…as in, Bolton has 77 YEARS…and trying Buzzfeed Lingo? Next thing you know this dolt will begin his speechifying, "Trump and Greenland, everybody's saying…”.

In this particular instance, Johnny Come Stupidly cited a prior agreement for defence between the United States and Denmark, commonly referenced as "The Greenland Defence Treaty”…so obviously a sterling intellect of such caliber as Bolton was required to decipher the meaning of that arcana.

This "mysterious” (but widely known) Treaty that John Bolton "discovered” (with…presumably a Google search?…) is what Boltard uses to "explain” the reason Greenland need not become a State for defence.

*sigh*…Whatever it's worth, here's your rundown on the REALITY of U. S. to Greenlandic relations.

The Hard Way, The Easy Way, The Slick Way

Do not mistake the nonsense Trump speaks regarding the way in which Greenland will be occupied. Don Cheeto says lots of insane words. Even so, it behooves us to evaluate the semantics of this imbecility…

1. The Hard Way — Military invasion. Highly unlikely. Not because NATO would have their panties in a bunch. Rather, as it would antagonize the locals. That makes for bad Public Relations. More importantly, it all but assures whenever a Democratic Appointed President takes office they would be obliged to relinquish (actually or symbolically) the territory owing to the Third Worlder contingent of that party.
2. The Easy Way — Some manner of Referendum for the inhabitants. This presents its own difficulties. You never know when you may lose. More importantly, the "West” (now geographic, not philosophic) abhors Referendums. Such implies The People have a voice in what the force of Government is allowed to do. Last it was tried in Europe the Voters rejected an E. U. Treaty…so the Government made them vote again…then again…until those Slaves got it "right”.
3. The Slick Way — Cash prizes a'plenty! If the 57,000 resident Peeps of Greenland were to sell their souls for the low cost of $100,000 each it would present a bill of $5.7 Billion total. Average wage for the Greenies? $40,000. Average net worth? $60,000. So an enticing offer…

EXCEPT! While generally opposed the whole scheme, there is one scenario I very well MIGHT support…

THE MUSK PARADIGM (which…doesn't in fact make hardly any sense, but sounds pretty cool…)

In THIS eventuality Elon Musk, who is a purported Trillionaire, purchases Greenland only for HIMSELF at a remittance of $1,000,000 per Verdant Inhabitant for a tally of $57 Billion…then we round up the best Folks from Classical Civilization still extant and create a sort of Neo-Shangri-La (or Neu Schwabenland II, if Lonnie prefers)…to ride out the coming Global collapse in relative safety under the ice.

*** Major Detriment Alert ***

Musk has a seeming degenerate fetish toward Indians with Fake Professional Degrees as well as InstaSlut Party Girls…which makes the whole thing rather untenable as it must be Cultured Repopulants.

Alas, Greenland WILL Become American…Just You Wait and See

Here's the thing, Greenland has no choice in terms of Practical Reality, and I will tell you the reason according to scenarios:

Greenland Remains with Denmark — In 1979 Demark granted Greenland proverbial "Home Rule”. It was approved by 73% of Eskimos (yep, still doing that joke). Which means they got control of Education, Health and Environment; The Danes kept Foreign Affairs, Defence and Monetary Policy…because all these Ethnicities want "independence” but somehow ALSO for Western Civilization to foot the bill for it.

In 2008 was the "Self-Governing Act” which passed with 75% support that granted more autonomy for Justice, Police and Natural Resources…recognized Greenies as an "ethnicity” and began discussions for full Independence…contingent on "Economic Viability”…so the Eskimos want ever MORE cash payouts.

Currently ALL the major electoral parties favor eventual Independence in some form.

So no matter WHAT happens, the Greenlanders will try to make a break with Denmark.

Greenland Becomes Autonomous — This is a pipe-dream for the Eskimos (you want my money, you get my insults) because in the current model alleged "rare earth” materials are the new "big thing”…and Greenland gots lots of "em. Moreover, due to the climate not being static a fabled "Northwest Passage” may soon open the sea lanes, which would primarily benefit Russia and China in terms of new transit.

Hence, those few thousand Greenies who believe they can "make deals” with our Three Global Superpowers and not be occupied are nearly as delusional as John Bolton thinking he is an academic.

It will NEVER happen. Either Greenland stays with Denmark, which they don't want…or else…

Greenland Joins the United States — First, whether right or wrong, Greenland is simply too close in proximity to the American mainland for the U. S. Government to permit it to be occupied (or enter financial agreements) with either Russia or China; maybe if it were located elsewhere, but not as sitio.

Second, for those who claim Greenland can remain "Independent” yet associate with the American Empire, you are a fool…it reminds me of my advocacy a million years ago for a United States manufactured computer…only to be told ACKSHULLY such things exist…and then for me to embarrass aforementioned politico by educating him those devices are merely ASSEMBLED in America…made with parts originating far and sundry…thus providing absolutely no defence should trade be disrupted.

In the same way, it may be TECHNICALLY possible for Trump or some future American cabinet to enter agreements on solitary bases or with limited Executive Orders, but the reality is becoming a State would open the floodgates to exponential U. S. development without requiring "one shot” approvals.

Third, all the "Big Money” is going all in on this transaction. It was floated back in 2019 by Ronald Lauder, heir to the Estee Lauder fortune, who has since invested Billions into the Greenland Project.

Among the other few obscure folks you may know also involved are…Sam Altman, Jeff Bezos, Michael Bloomberg, Bill Gates and Peter Thiel. Most have made investments in the BILLIONS, many to the KoBold Metals exploration company (sorry, no public stock, Sportsfans, "cause you ain't in the club).

Think these families, nearly all MAJOR donors to Trump, will be satisfied with less than Statehood?

It's About The Shekels

For those who believe the President is on some kind of Imperialist Mission to reconstitute America…

This is about the money.

American inclusion allows for jurisdiction of American law…with Tax Benefits…and Political Protection…not to mention at least two (likely Republican) Senators and who knows how many Representatives…in addition to Mayors and City Councils to funnel gibs to whoever is placed in Power.

Those poor Greenies? Oh Lord, how childish…but then again, the average Inuit (yes, HERE you get identified, kiddies) has an IQ which is but 90…well below the average Westerner…and easy to swindle.

Soon enough, those "noble savages” (yep, back to the ribbing) will be overwhelmed by Somalian "Americans” or Haitian "Americans” or even Afghan "Americans”…but they will have their $100,000 in dollars each…so maybe they can retire to Alaska or something?

Alright, I tease, but it's all in good fun…or at least, it's all in desperation…because this will likely happen, despite what purported "experts” say about "defence treaties” or "passing Congress” or other inanities.

Because Greenland is about the Greenbacks, plain and simple.

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America