Check the time, Donald...It's five minutes to Armageddon. And from the looks of things, things seem pretty bleak - which is mainly because they're terrible.
Mercifully for you, although the Mainstream Media stubbornly refuses to look into a single one of hundreds of Sworn Statements regarding voting irregularities, ignores the existence of Project Veritas and incessantly repeats "democracy" consists of counting votes rather than verifying them, the American electorate has proved to be impressively resistant to Controlled News propaganda.
Sadly, in the United States the truth means virtually nothing...just ask the Supreme Court.
Now Uncle Joe - The Great Pretender - has been crowned victor by the Electoral College there is only one week left for you to leave your mark on History. Whatever else you may believe, you likely will not have another opportunity to do so. Indeed, there is talk the Congress may forbid you to run again.
Your enemies intend (in this order) to humiliate you with investigations, to attack you through your family and if these do not succeed, to have a trial after which you will be bankrupted or imprisoned.
While you display remarkably sharp instincts blunted by incredibly dull fortitude, below are all you need to be bound for glory. Heed these words, Don - You may not have four years to wait.
There used to be a popular phrase when going up against a powerful adversary, "Oh yeah, you and what army?" It means if you challenge the status quo you had better bring some might to the match.
You are going to need stalwart friends. Get that army by pardoning individuals who can help you most...
The Easy Ones:
Julian Assange - The founder of Wikileaks is currently imprisoned on bogus charges which basically amount to "practicing journalism." No one alleges Assange stole any documents, infiltrated any governments, or did anything other than publish what others gave him.
His punishment is mainly deterrent - warning similarly honest men to keep quiet. You need to pardon him.
Many American citizens think it and even the Australian Prime Minister thinks it. Assange and his organization will be invaluable to you from an Intelligence standpoint.
The Proud Boys - Brains always needs brawn (no offence to the PBs). These fellows are organized, disciplined and patriotic. They come in all colors, for the record.
Many have been accused of crimes when in fact most of what they have done is defend themselves against anti-social elements intent on causing trouble. Police allow BLM to riot yet arrest the PB.
You need to pardon (probably preemptively) dozens or even hundreds, including founder Gavin McInnis. If former Presidents Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter can pardon their brothers, you can pardon your Boys.
The Hard Ones:
Ted Kaczynski - You need strategists, especially asymmetrical ones. Kaczynski is a criminal and he did kill people. His motivation was the de-industrialization of society and he wrote an entire manifesto about it.
He is also an intellect surpassing most alive. That makes him uniquely of worth to you. In normal times such a pardon would be unconscionable - We do not live in normal times.
The United States supports drug cartels, terrorists and abusive regimes all over the world for the sake of expediency and this would be little different. Claim Kaczynski is nearly 80 years old and has been in jail more than 20 years. Then use him to figure out what none of the rest of us has thought of yet.
Eric Rudolph - Another tough call is the Abortion Bomber. Rudolph is of use because he was largely supported by his fellow citizens until the FBI pinned the Olympic Park blast on him.
The man was on the run - in a limited geographic area - for years without the Feds getting close. This was because several residents in the area would leave him food and clothing on their porches. They supported his cause even if they did not support his methods.
To the degree Rudolph is supposedly guilty of the Olympic Park bombing...well, one can only envision some Agents in an office with heels kicked up on desks theorizing, "How can we get a guy so many people love?...What else do people love?...The Olympics!...Hey, we still haven't solved that one either...What if we put the two together and..." - Voila!
Once Rudolph got the blame his support in the community was gone, always a suspicious confluence.
The Essential Ones:
The Capitol Clambake Crew - Any arrested during the January 6 Patriot Party at Capitol Dome gets a pardon. No exceptions. (Even the guy in the bearskin overalls.) All of them get a pass.
For one thing, you enticed everyone to make a show of force so it's on you to save them decades in Federal Prison. For another, you will go down in History as Benedict Don if you throw your most loyal (if impetuous) supporters to the wolves. For yet one more, you should know the whole thing appears to have been a trap (with police politely ushering in Patriots at one door as they fought them at another).
Do the right thing...though you will catch Inferno for it, so do it the last minute.
Early on in your Presidency you wanted to declassify the files on the John F. Kennedy assassination. Later, you succumbed to the pressure of the Bureaucrats who killed him. (Wait? Are we still pretending it was Oswald and that he wasn't an Operative?)
Be that as it may, you have around seven days (not quite "In May"...) to deal the Deep State an embarrassing blow. Moreover, it does not have to end there.
Next up you need to release the sealed files on old Martin Luther King. You know, the ones concerning how he raped his own parishioners? Or, if you want to keep his debauchery secret you might at least put out the plethora of paperwork concerning his work as a Communist activist (if not paid agent)? What about his illegitimate children? (Oops, I may have spilled too many black beans there...)
What about the death of Marilyn Monroe? Dump the recordings. You know which ones. Only the naïve and the neophytes still cling to the notion Robert Kennedy wasn't visiting that night. After all, we have multiple eyewitnesses from ambulance workers to policemen on the beat, even if some politicians from California covered for him. Put it all out and let the world know.
Of course, that is only the hoary history. What say you about penumbra weapons? Or the clone department? How about...well, you get my drift...
Several days may not seem like a long time, but it can be a lifetime when you trust the right comrades.
Ever heard of the term, "Temporary Appointment"? First up - Fire everyone. And I mean, everyone. (Start with Jared and Ivanka.) You have solid political insights but are about the worst judge of character I have ever encountered. There was scarcely a solitary person in your White House you could trust.
Second - Take one morning this week and put out three dozen "Temporary Appointments." In fact, get creative and do a hundred...or more. Here are some fresh faces for you: Jim Goad, Gavin McInness, Nick Fuentes, Michelle Malkin, Darren Beatty, Alex Jones, etc. Pick from anyone and everyone who actually gave you support and put them in places to do some real damage to the Deep State for the next week.
Otherwise, you don't even have to be drastic. Pick a hundred worthies who bolstered you from outside Washington during the four years everyone in the White House tore you down - Then make every single one a "Temporary Appointment" or "Special Envoy" or "Acting Ambassador" spanning the globe.
The sheer hilarity of watching 100 America Firsters take up residence in Ambassadorial Mansions around the world for a week would make all the heartache of your Presidency of Missed Opportunity worth it.
Okay Don, get on these right away and I'll get on to providing what you need to make your final week in office count.
Check tomorrow and we can really have some fun together.
Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America
Jen Psaki may have errors in her statements not because of her level of education or bad memory.