Revolutions Begin In The Middle…Even The Middle West

Sportsfans, I am a man alone.

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Protest

Generally I attribute this to the basic fact of my own stupidity; as well as the prime factor of everyone else being so much smarter than me…in that they are — to an individual — very certain of things.

Not that I don't try to remedy my idiocy.

On several occasions I have asked how others are so sure of everything and either I am too ignorant to comprehend their replies or they are purposefully misleading me…in any event, the answers they give are incongruous and quite often utterly nonsensical.

At least, to a moron such as myself.

Once, I mentioned to an acquaintance that I sometimes earn more in a day than a Russian coal miner does in a month which injured my heart. His reply was that I should not think about it. I responded that I needed oxygen to breathe. He laughed at me.

Clearly, this was because I am intolerably dumb.

Anyway, since I do not have a new plastic sedan from overseas, nor a McMansion in a suburban area, not to mention no courtside tickets to any sportsball events, this gives me plenty of time to ponder…

The Smartest Democrat In The Country — Tim Walz of Mid-Western Minnesota

Days ago a very clever man who is the elected Governor of Minnesota and non-elected candidate for Vice President called Tim Walz gave an interview in which he excoriated the opposition President.

While the conversation ranged over a variety of topics it was not until the Governor began speaking about masculinity that I became hopelessly muddled by his statements.

Among these was that dissenters were "scared" of his machismo as, "I'm serious, because they know I can fix a truck, they know I'm not bullsh*tting on this”. (He actually said, "I'm serious".)

Here I was confused — How does masculinity equate to auto repair? Was Tim confessing to auto-erotica in the strictest interpretation of the word? Did Walz discuss this revelation with his wife?

Fortunately Your Humble Correspondent had not long to wait for clarification of Walz view on rivals.

The Governor continued, "I think I could kick most of their asses”.

Obviously, to a moron like me, this makes no sense. For instance, in a country riven by political factions, is it reasonable (much less responsible) for a sitting Head of a State to encourage violence?

At present there are innumerable scared people vandalizing private property, casting threats online or in print, and otherwise engaging in actions which have little practical effect other than ruining their own lives.

Yet, evidently, antagonizing frightened voters already on the margins of society is what can soothe an anxious populace?

I freely admit that I am a dupe, so could someone please contact the Governor's Office of Tim Walz and politely inquire whether his extremist statements are really what is needed today…or, at the very least, can someone more enlightened than myself effort to encourage him to be less incendiary?

Tim Walz May Be Reached At The Following:

Staffed office hours are Monday through Friday, 9:30 a. m. to 3:30 p. m.

Telephone Numbers

Telephone: 651-201-3400

Toll Free: 800-657-3717

Minnesota Relay: 800-627-3529

The Brightest Republican In The Nation — Jim Banks of Mid-Western Indiana

During the interval Yours Truly was trying to figure all this out, a wise newly elected Senator called Jim Banks chose to avoid a District Listening Session held by the opposition, to the chagrin of voters.

Banks, along with a few others from The Grand Old Party, evaded a forum to air the concerns of several constituents who are now in fear of losing their jobs, their benefits or even their medical care.

When the folks arrived they found none of their representatives deigned to appear — instead, Jim Banks had a cardboard cutout dressed in a working man's plaid farm shirt there to show his support.

People almost as dazed who had thus set aside time from their lives to share their concerns about living were notably upset by this high IQ lack of interest in their welfare.

Adding insults to the injury, Banks cleverly "trolled” the despairing townsfolk online, mocking them with jibes, "You won't want to miss what happens next!” and laughing that he sent donuts to "lighten the mood” — because to smart people it is very amusing that elderly people can not afford to eat.

An equally educated spokesman for Banks said, "Attending a fake town hall with a small group of whiny Democrats suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome is not at the top of his (Senator Jim Banks) priority list”. — because if someone disagrees with your politics it is okay to laugh at their pain.

Probably this all makes clear sense to someone more sentient than myself.

I candidly avow that I am a dullard, so would anyone please contact the Senate Office of Jim Banks and politely inquire as to if his inflammatory and insolent demeanor is actually what is required today…or, at the bare minimum, can anyone more acute than myself extoll him to be less vitriolic?

Telephone Numbers

Telephone in Washington, D. C.: 202-224-4814

Toll Free: 202-224-3121

Fort Wayne Office: 260-321-7130

A Dummy For A Decade (Likely Longer)

Seems to be about every decade our heartland experiences some real heartbreak.

Ten years ago, or thereabouts, in the generally Mid-Western state of Virginia a large group of young men gathered to express some grievances — you likely heard about it, what with the torch marching.

Immediately following, this author wrote a piece which everyone and their brother…who were all much more sensible than me…refused to publish.

One of these was the Editor of a leading magazine nominally against conflict. I implored him:

"Whatever you think of these people, they are people all the same. Whatever you think of their opinions, they have a viewpoint which must be addressed. Whatever you think of their feelings, telling them to "go back to their mother's basements and die' is not a viable constructive outcome".

Needless to say, because I am stupid, every sharp pundit repeated the same "conventional wisdom" of pure evil being the cause rather than demographic replacement, creeping unemployment and pervasive cultural disparagement.

Oddly, despite being stupid, my prediction came true and some of those boys became men — and they now run the Federal government.

Even A Fool Learns A Little

Over the course of a lengthy career in politics I have stupidly voted for Republicans, for Democrats, for Libertarians, for Socialists, and I even donated to the Nation of Islam on more than one occasion.

But what do I know…judging a man as a man instead of a symbol of what I am supposed to hate?

Incidentally, I might have mentioned earlier I consider things at length, but I also read quite a lot — imbeciles tend to do such things — and I do believe there are at least a few things I might now know.

• I know it is good to be kind.
• I know that it's not right to be cruel to others.
• I know that Heinrich Himmler was a chicken farmer.
• I know that Che Guevarra was a physician.
• I know that Ho Chi Minh was a waiter.
• I know that every radical revolutionary from either side came from a middle-class upbringing.
• I know that pushing ordinary citizens into desperation seldom ends well.

Oh, and I know in order to prevent that from occurring, we are all in this together as one.

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America