How to get rich in America


By David Hoffman

In America, and indeed in any capitalist society, financial security and material success are normally the primary objectives (some would say the obsessions) of one's life.  As a result, there exists a proliferation of "experts" who allegedly possess the formula to achieving these goals:  Proponents of The Law of Attraction, Positive Thinking, Praying for Prosperity, Self-Hypnosis, Divining the Stock Market, or Investing in Real Estate are more than eager to tell you that riches beyond your wildest dreams await if you just follow a few "simple" steps.

Of course, it should be no surprise that the principal way many of these proponents make their money is by selling products and/or services telling you how to make your money.  You just need to buy their DVDs or Computer Apps, subscribe to their newsletters, or attend their seminars.

Recently, however, the owners of Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana revealed to Americans the true pathway to riches.  In the wake of the recent passage of a controversial Indiana law, known as the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA)-which many viewed as a veiled license for businesses to discriminate against gays and lesbians, (see Indiana: The State Built on Hate, Pravda.Ru, March 31, 2015)-these owners stated that they not only supported RFRA, they would also refuse to provide catering services at same-sex weddings.

Almost immediately, a fund-raising website was established to support Memories Pizza, and now its owners are on their way to becoming millionaires.  So the moral of the story, ladies and gentlemen, is, thanks to today's Social Media, hard work, education, and skill are no longer the keys to success.  To get rich, all you have to do is utter controversial statements that make national headlines, and then sit back and wait for gullible people to throw money at you in the misguided belief they are supporting some kind of religious "cause."

There are, however, five simple rules you must follow:

1.   Make sure your "cause" has religious overtones.  Trying to raise money from the stance of logic, reason, or even human decency is not enough.  While pictures of starving children, tortured political prisoners, and abused animals can tug at the heartstrings, those emotions are secondary to "legions of Christian soldiers" eager to topple imaginary foes who somehow threaten their "faith."

2.   Don't ask for help with mundane things, like medical expenses.  Many so-called Christians today have forgotten, or chosen to ignore, that annoying "Treat others as you would like to be treated" routine.  Dying because one lacks the money for adequate medical treatment is so passé and routine.  But showing gays and lesbians that your pizza is too good for them-that's the pathway to heaven!

3.   Make sure your donors can pat themselves on the back for supporting your "cause."  Sure, Jesus said that when doing good deeds "your left hand should not know what your right hand is doing."  But where is the fun in that!  Your donors want to be able to look in the mirror and say, "I'm proud of myself for making discrimination a holy virtue."

4.   Give your supporters someone or something to hate, but pretend it's in the name of love.  Nobody wants to admit that hate is the primary motivating factor in human affairs.  Yet one only need look at the campaign methods of politicians to realize that appeals to human goodness rarely, if ever, trump appeals to human evil, as long as that evil is masked with the veneer of religiosity.

5.   Apply a cost-benefit analysis.  Naturally, whenever one utters controversial statements that make national headlines, he or she is certain to attract hostility and harassment.  Just remember that human memories are short.  In a few weeks, or perhaps a few months at most, your words will fade from the national consciousness.  But the money you've made will be yours forever. 

So there you have it-the key to riches in America.  The risk is minimal and the rewards are great.  In fact, the only thing that can obstruct your path is if the world would suddenly become devoid of idiots who use their religion as an excuse to hate.  Of course, that hasn't happened in thousands of years, so what are the odds of it happening now?

David R. Hoffman

Legal Editor of Pravda.Ru


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Author`s name David R. Hoffman