The Good and Bad of Family Unfaithfulness

It may seem strange, but unfaithfulness makes families stronger. According to various polls, up to 80 percent of men cheat on their wives at least once
Thirty percent of them have a homosexual experience, and 44 percent of married men have a lover. Married men in their forties often use prostitutes' services. Psychologists believe that divorces are less frequent in such families.

"It may seem strange, but unfaithfulness makes families stronger," psychologist of a psychoneurological center Natalia Lisenkova believes. "In an attempt to keep her family together, a woman starts recollecting herself before the marriage, she learns to love herself. When a husband learns that his wife has cheated on him, he sees her in a different light."

It is a great mistake for women to think that men are always guilty when they have a love affair on the side. If a man is guilty, it is because he is a polygamous being. It has always been a male's commitment to inseminate as many females as possible. Natalia Lisenkova believes that male unfaithfulness is usually caused by boredom and monotony of their family lives. Not all women understand that they should permanently spin the web of "man-woman" relations.

The unfaithfulness cannot appear in one day, it usually takes years for it to develop in families. One day a man sees his wife with messy hair wearing an old nightgown; next time she yells at him; she is not good in bed. All these things are saved in the subconsciousness of a man for years. 

As a result, a man does not even understand why he has a love affair with another woman. However, a woman should not think that her appearance is the only reason for her man's unfaithfulness. Men need attention and caress. A man can often leave his beautiful wife and start living with a woman who can hardly be called pretty. As a rule, women do not understand that men simply need a little tenderness and understanding.

Sexual pleasure is also a very important factor in family life. If a woman taboos certain sexual activities, a man starts looking for them on the side. There is another important aspect too: women should always remain mysterious to men. As soon as a wife becomes predictable, her husband will lose interest in her immediately. He does not leave his wife, he continues taking care of her, but he also looks for other women to conquer. 

As a rule, when a wife learns of her husband's unfaithfulness, the first thing she wants is to divorce him. Women are certain: if a man cheats once, it will continue happening in the future. However, as time goes by, it will be easier for a woman to live for herself, she will not be afraid of another cheating to happen. It will be time for a man to worry. "Men over 40 years old often come to our center for help," says Lisenkova. "They usually say that their wives stop loving them and they want to know the reason why. As it turns out during conversations with family couples, women usually forgive their husbands' unfaithfulness for years. As a result, women stop loving them."

As a rule, the main reason for the female unfaithfulness is the trivial interest. A lot of women think that they should have both a family and a lover. Women often cheat on their husbands as a revenge, although it does not bring any happiness and calmness. There can be certain situations in which husband and wife cannot part with each other because of the mutual affection, but they continue cheating on each other anyway.

A married couple is unable to put an end to it alone. They like freedom of relationship, their marriage can be compared to brother-and-sister relations, it becomes a marriage of two friends. They change lovers, experience the ultimate pleasure of Roman relationships and they keep their families. As a rule, such people try not to meet their adversaries: the physical perception is much more painful than the psychological awareness.

Such marriages become complicated when one spouse is more successful in his or her romantic adventures while the other spouse is having a break. The latter usually wants to return to the monogamous marriage, but the first spouse does not understand it. For example, if a man starts having prostate problems, he tries to preserve the feeling of his own protection, he wants everything back into place. Yet, his wife is still excited about more love affairs. A woman can often find a better man on the side - she suddenly realizes that the only feeling that she still has toward her husband is pity.

It has already become a tradition in Russian society: the unfaithfulness is the priority of men. It is harder for men to endure women's unfaithfulness. A husband may discover a strong need in his wife if he learns of her romantic adventures on the side. Women have become a lot more liberated in relations with men, the female unfaithfulness is not shocking anymore. However, they do not become happier because of the liberation. As a rule, unfaithfulness is common for unconfident women. They usually try to prove themselves that they are still sexually appealing. A self-sufficient woman knows what she is worth. She leads a quiet life and forgives her husband's unfaithfulness.

"Once I had an appointment with a young woman,"  psychologist Lisenkova says. "It turned out that her husband had talked her into swinger activities. They found two family couples that were looking for new sexual excitement and started fulfilling their fantasies. The woman started having strange feelings shortly after that: she was lost, she could not realize who she wanted and who needed her."

She lost the "he and she" connection. The woman confessed that she could not continue leading that life. She was ready to divorce her husband. However, after they discussed the problem, the man suggested they should go to Siberia and find answers to all questions there.

Zhanna Shemetova

Author`s name Michael Simpson