Biden Downfall — Of Dementia and Documents

When this author was younger he was once approached by a man selling Top Secret documents. No, not of the "Treasonous Activity” type…but of the World War Two collectible variety.

The price was $100 dollars; which today is a bag of groceries but then was a month of rent.

Excitedly, your correspondent and his chums carefully collated their pennies…

Meanwhile, in Washington D. C.

For those blissfully unaware, the United States currently has a dotard serving as President.

Recently a report by the Special Investigator tasked with reviewing the mishandling of classified documents released a damning report which included the following observations:

  • Biden often does not recall facts,
  • Biden is slow and frequently confused,
  • Biden may not have recollected when he was Vice President
  • Biden possibly was unsure when his son passed away,
  • Biden would be seen as an elderly man unable to form intent during any trial.

Came the Biden Press Conference of Last Night AKA The Imbecile Address

Given the 8:00 p. m. commencement of the Biden Crisis Control Conference to the Press was already a good fifteen minutes past his bedtime we should not have been surprised by his performance.

Instead, we were shocked.

To the extent it was possible to appear less lucid and more deranged than the Special Counsel report made out, Biden did not fail to terrify.

  • Smugly McSenile was angry in the "Get Off My Lawn!” key of outrage.
  • Smugly made little to no sense, at one time confusing the President of Egypt with that of Mexico.
  • Smugly attempted "jokes” which were inherently unclear and only enhanced the sense of incapacity.
  • Joe was an embarrassment to every American with any honesty, even those who support him.

To wit, Imma help you out on this one, My Fellow Diversocrats…

Tips on Talking Points for Diversity Hires

Given this lack of competency obviously extends from Smugly all the way down to Pepe Le Poofball, his Press Secretary (until the hard questions require her overseer to shunt her aside), allow this writer to demonstrate how it is done:

1. Everybody Makes Mistakes — First, your supporters — by definition — already support you. They want to make excuses for you…so GIVE THEM AN EXCUSE TO BELIEVE IN YOU!

This is to say, denying Joe is confused does not help. Everyone can see it, even patrons.

Thus you should have Smugly come out and say, "Hey Man…look…er…the average person meets about 1,000 people in their lifetime…the President of the United States meets about 10 million…so yeah, I'm gonna get an individual confused once in a while…I'm not always going to say the correct name…but you know what?…it's because I'm thinking policy and not personalities…it's a big office and…come on…you know exactly what I mean…Okay, I said Mitterrand when I meant Macron…you've never misspelled a word with an e before an i or an i before an e before? Everybody does that…only I've got a lot to consider…so give me break.”

THAT is a reasonable explanation. Also, EVERYBODY has called someone by the wrong name before. THIS is an excuse which is both palatable and rational to most human beings.

2. Slow and Steady Wins the Race — Second, it is clear Smugly is a slow thinker. DO NOT DISPUTE THIS BECAUSE WE CAN ALL WITNESS IT DAILY! *sigh*

When you deny the obvious you look like a liar — because you ARE a liar. Say this instead:

"Hey now…hold up, pal…here's the deal…I speak slow…because it's IMPORTANT…I'm the President of the United States…they claim, the most powerful man in the world…I don't know if that's true or not…but I take the possibility that it IS true very seriously…because I love this country and I want it to do well…which means I. TAKE. MY. TIME. because as President what you say will be interpreted in a million ways and some of those may harm Americans or American interests…so I go slow. I understand some of you don't like that or that it may have a negative connotation, but there is a reason for it. That reason is not because I am senile but because I am deliberate because I care for this country…unlike some who pop off I could mention.”

Class, you may have noted Joe — AGAIN — does not contradict viewers in the above demonstration. Because viewers already have settled on the fact of his behavior. What they require is a PLAUSIBLE reason to allow them to continue their support of his administration.

3. Never Leave a Down Man Behind — Third, why did you send Smugly out there alone? You're trying to sabotage him? (Possible!) He ought to have been seen standing at the podium with a SHOW OF FORCE! His entire cabinet ought to have been a phalanx behind him.

At the very least (and I do mean very) you should have put Kamala by his side.

Then, about midway into the questioning Madame Harris should have (choreographically) interjected herself with the permission of Smugly and said, "Thank you, Joe. I know this is your Press Conference, but I just have to say something here…Hey now! I want you all to know I serve with this man every single day. Every single day awake at 6 a. m. working for this country we love. Every day having our morning meeting. Every day going about the task of keeping you all safe. And in all those days — every SINGLE day — of our time together I have never seen him be less than totally focused on what we need to do to make our nation the greatest place to live on earth. So you can question his politics or his policies or even his presidency but what you cannot do is impugn his character. Because I know Joe Biden and Joe Biden is a contemplative man who may take a moment before he speaks but always does the right thing for America!…Thank you, Joe. I'm sorry, I just couldn't let these lies go on.”

Theatrical? Yes. Effective? Yes. (Uhhh, do you have any practical experience with politics?)

End of Lesson — End of Term

There are persistent rumors that Smugly will not be the Democratic nominee come November.

Maybe. Maybe not.

Only Smugly is still the President at this moment. Whether his disgraceful exposition was evidence of incompetence on the part of an incapable staff or a more sinister effort to begin the process of replacing him is debatable.

For this author, it was at minimum a national humiliation, less on him than his junior league cohorts.

One Last Thing…

Please — PLEASE — can we all quit talking about misplaced documents? That goes for both Republicans and Democrats. Anyone who believes this is a Heap Big Serious issue needs to put down the pipe.

Here's the reality: Nearly EVERYTHING in a Presidential Administration is classified.

WHY? By way of illustration — If a President is going to a certain location for lunch on a certain date at a certain time by a certain route that is by definition a security risk. So it understandably would be classified.

Only in practical terms many such items are never declassified. That means there are reams of papers which are not about UFO contact, Nuclear Codes or whatever else the general public envisages when they hear "Classified Documents”.

Instead, it's old lunch dates.

So quit. The secret for the Fusion Engine was not at Mar-a-Lago and the translation of the Sphinx Codex was never in Joe's garage.

When such things are found they should be reviewed by accredited parties and then simply destroyed or sent to the appropriate repositories.

That's all. No trials. No investigations. No juvenile hyperventilation.

Top Secret? Top Boring, more like!

Oh, and for those curious as to the contents of the mystical Top Secret documents from circa-1943?

They were insignificant troop reallocations for the construction of a latrine.

In other words, nothing but dusty detritus detailing useless, shenanigans.

My first lesson on the immutable fact — Every military classifies everything.

Now you know it as well.

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America

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Author`s name Guy Somerset
Editor Dmitry Sudakov