What's with Americans and Balloons?

Where even to begin?

It's all too utterly ridiculous.

Straight facts…Just the Facts, Ma'am — Weather balloon from China appears over America. State of Montana, where nuclear silos kept. Pentagon claims it cannot be shot down due to loss of life. Everyone in the Controlled Media becomes hysterical at an Eleven on the Media Hype Scale of One to Ten.

Absolutely nothing in the Official Narrative makes sense — by which I mean…No…Thing.

One, how did this Chinese Balloon get across the ocean, across Alaska, across part of Canada, then across much of America before anyone noticed?

Two, even if they did notice prior to the announcement (which the Pentagon now claims) why didn't they down it over the sea? Why didn't Canada do anything to inhibit it? Why can't the military do a flyby grab? They can refuel jets at nearly Mach One in the air but can't snag a weather balloon?

Three, the U. S. Air Force has an annual budget of nearly $235 Billion and can't figure out how to thwart…a balloon? Incidentally, this includes the allocation for the Space Force…so we're going to Mars but a weather balloon is too much to handle for our Boys In Blue?

Four…no…that's enough.

The whole fabricated story is stupid and if you believe it you are as stupid as the media hopes you to be.

Oh, The Stupidity!

But why — oh why! — the American fascination with balloon stunts?

The most famous was back in Lakehearst when The Hindenburg made its incendiary visit. That was the German dirigible with a swastika on the tail, of which everyone is familiar.

It was floated by hydrogen because at that time nearly all the helium in the world was located in America and Roosevelt wanted a war for his banking buddies so refused to sell any to Berlin.

That's just about how big of a bastard our Franklin was…by the way, read Day of Deceit from Robert Stinnet to know the true story of Pearl Harbor…but I digress…one Roosevelt War Crime per article.

Anyway, despite everyone and their brother now believing it was sabotage that likely wasn't the case.

Media Hype: The Hindenburg landing was late, meaning any incendiary device was intended for the vehicle to burn dramatically on the ground, thus when it arrived off schedule and passengers died the whole scheme went awry and could not be acknowledged as sabotage.

Practical Reality: The landing was delayed due to inclement conditions. An extensive inquiry was held by Germany. None other than Hugo Eckener, one of the most important men in lighter-than-air aviation, was of the opinion the Captain took a turn too hard, an interior cable snapped, damaged a fuel cell and the static electricity from the mooring towlines dropped to the ground ignited the gas. As designer of the ship, Hugo Eckener would know best.

Whatever was the cause it effectively ended the most luxurious form of travel ever to exist on earth.

Roswell Returns

Does anyone not know what supposedly occurred in Roswell in 1947?

For the babes (infants, not blondes) among us: In 1947 was a horrendous storm in Roswell, New Mexico. Next morning a rancher found curious debris on his land and rang a pal at the local Air Force base to come have a look.

What they found was some very suspicious material which they gathered.

It had odd markings, was incredibly delicate but sturdy, and moreover the uncommon quality of metal in that it would reseal itself after having been cut.

That was about the extent of things. Later everyone who lived near the spread, or in Roswell, or had occasioned to drive across New Mexico came forward with some idiotic anecdote.

A second site! Dead aliens! Live aliens! Men in black! Time travel!

It got worse and worse and worse, hitting its zenith in the late 1990s.

Media Non-Hype Hype: It was a weather balloon and trained United States Air Force officers were too dense to recognize an object they had dealt with on numerous occasions. They were also too dumb to identify tin foil even when it had wrapped their Hershey bars for more than a decade. They were similarly too imbecilic to know C for Celsius and F for Fahrenheit were not a bizarre extraterrestrial language.

Practical Reality: Clearly there was something discovered which caused the entire Washington establishment to shudder. (An official Press Release stating the item was a "flying saucer” was later retracted following bureaucratic dictate and the local military was pressured to lie.) Whatever came down, they still won't tell the full story.

At this point we will never know the truth…and America is so full of charlatans I'm not even sure it's out there…

Balloon Boy

Perhaps the most illustrative example of the American fascination with ballooning is that of Balloon Boy himself.

Ah, you have never heard? Well…gather "round chillen's cause this is the best one yet.

(Incidentally, as usual, I am not fabricating any of this as I go along…)

In 2009 a family in Colorado — significantly, not that far from Montana — came upon the clever notion they should pretend their young child was in dire peril.

Allegedly the little Asian fellow was playing in a homemade helium balloon made to look like a spacecraft that suddenly flew off into the ether.

For the following several hours — which seemed like several days — Controlled Media breathlessly filmed "Balloon Boy” as he sailed amidst the clouds.

Would he live? Would he die? Would we get it on camera?

Media Hype: Gravity doesn't matter! Mass doesn't exist! Wind fluctuations are deceiving! Whatever the family says is unimpeachable and we must have constant coverage of this tot among the nimbus!

Practical Reality: Alas, it was all a hoax. The kid was hiding in his house the whole time. Indeed, poor Balloon Boy was cruel victim to his fame-hungry folks who had fabricated the entire incident. This was revealed by little Balloon Boy himself on a live report with a noted talk show host.

Father of The Year later went to jail for his trouble.

This Too Shall Gas

Now we are in the throes of more balloon brouhaha.

There will be another some day…

When it arrives, Dear Reader, please…please…please…practice some due diligence.

Ask the hard questions like…Is 1 random balloon, Chinese or not, more dangerous than the 150,000 Illegal Invaders who crossed the U. S. border this month?

• …or more dangerous than the 500,000 Chinese Illegal Invaders currently in America…who even if not government agents statistically include several rapists, child molesters and murderers in their total?
• …or more dangerous than the fact absolutely no one in our Fourth Estate enquires about anything other than a clearly fallacious Crisis du Jour?

We have so many problems in America maybe it's easier for our people to be distracted by childish toys.

Yet those vital issues aren't going away and, like this balloon, they're only drifting closer the more we refuse to speak of them.

Everything else is only hot air.

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America