Author`s name Timothy Bancroft-Hinchey

The story of the social climber and the hen-pecked hubby

Strange how a couple who say they hate the media make a point of basking in its limelight. First, the father. Now, the in-laws. Next? Watch it, Harry!

I have been asked to write about Meghan Markle. Here goes the conversation.

Timi, can you write a piece about Meghan and Harry?

Who?

Meghan and Harry, the Duchess and Duke of Sussex

Ah them... Nah, I don't do gossip and I believe people should leave them alone, after all they say how much they hate the media and so on, don't they?

Yes but this is about the interview with Oprah Winfrey

Who?

That American woman, the one that does talk shows

Ah her...Why, have they signed a business deal with her or something to make money out of stabbing their family in the back?

 

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OK then (sigh) here I go. Ah God how boring. I'd rather have my ass sawn off with a rusty chainsaw. I suppose it makes a difference from writing about Brexit or Covid. So, Megan Markle who I had never heard of before she became the Duchess of (bench-rasping raspberry) (whoops, so sorry) Sussex...by the way did you know why Sussex is called Sussex? Nothing to do with "sex", ha ha ha No, ... Sussex gets its name from South Saxons, as the county of Essex gets its name from East Saxons, and Middlesex from Middle Saxons. Interesting, huh?

Sorry, where was I? Ah Megan Marple or whatever she calls herself. Funny that, if you run an anagram of Megan, you get "Nag 'em". Just a sec, here's another snippet. Meghan apparently is the American "pseudo-Irish spelling of Megan", a Welsh name for girls meaning Pearl. Hmmm, a right bloody pearl this one turned out to be.

So let's see...ok so she was a nobody until she appeared in the UK hanging off Prince Harry's arm. Oh, she was a film star was she? What sort of films did she appear in, science fiction? Well it wasn't the sort of movie that makes Cannes or Venice was it? Well, whatever, I mean I couldn't really care less to be honest. But er....how....how come she's so pissed at the media if she was in the movie industry? Like, she was in Hollywood wasn't she? No I have never been there and I have no intention of doing so, God forbid, I would rather go to Ulaan Baatar.... but surely if you make a living out of starring in TV shows or what, the media is part of what crumbles, shitwise? So isn't it a case of the pot calling the kettle black? Or in other words, if you can't take the heat, get the (f***) out the kitchen?

OK so she married Prince Harry, who before he married her seemed a likeable and gentlemanly sort, you know, army officer, loyal to his family, standing up for the Monarchy as an Institution, playing his role as a senior royal, doing his stint in the armed forces then what happened?

Stabbing his family in the back

He married Megan. And now look at him. Talk about an officer and a gentleman...not. There he is stabbing the family that raised him in the back while his grandfather lies in a hospital. And the Queen has to face that while her grandson is giving shit-slinging interviews to Oprah Winfrey with his wife. Talk about losing any iota of respect the guy ever had.

And what is the big splash about this interview anyway? I mean, when Megan married Harry she knew what she was marrying into and she knew she was supposed to buckle down, receiving the British taxpayers' money, and do what she was supposed to do, namely represent the charities she signed up to as Patron and do her part to represent the Monarchy as an Institution. Sure, it is a British Institution and makes no sense at all in the countries where I live but in the UK it is not only relevant but necessary. What is the alternative? So basically, and let us be honest, Megan failed miserably at the job after just a few years because she does not have the personal skills to do it. Period. Perhaps she would rather have sat on her ass on a chair complaining about everything and giving Harry orders, after all it's obvious who wears the pants in that household. I bet he spends his time running up and down stairs fetching cups of tea and plates of biscuits while the Duchess powders her nose in the toilet.

So quite how she still has the cheek to use the Duchess bit (and her husband, the title Duke) defies logic. Either you are in or you are out. If you are in, you know the rules and like everything else there are swings and roundabouts, pros and cons. If you are out, then behave in a gentlemanly or ladylike fashion, drop the titles and go make your own living but not by slagging off the family.

A lame interview

Listening to the Interview, let's be honest about this, it's pretty lame, isn't it? I can just imagine Oprah Winfrey getting all excited about it as the Media said it was a bombshell interview and the audience in the USA sat their with baited breath, jealous because they had the chance to have the Royal Family as their own but blew it in the 18th century and now all they get is scraps thrown to them by the Tabloids across the Pond. But it was a bit of a damp squib, was it not?

For those not used to giving interviews, let me tell you how it works. The Interview is a game of cat and mouse between the journalist and the interviewee in which both parts are supposed to use the other to score points. I personally do not have the personal characteristics to be a good interviewer because I am too polite and too nice and am incapable of being rude to my guest. As an interviewee, and it has happened quite often on radio and TV and in the press, the first two were disasters but a public figure then pulled me aside and told me how to do it. So what you do is choose two or three points, write down a few lines on each, soundbites what you want to communicate, have these on a card if you need to and deflect each and every question to these points and you get your message across while not letting the interviewer pee in your ears. After that I handled myself much better.

So applying that logic to the great Oprah and Megan interview, with Prince Harry looking like a spare whatsit at a wedding, what were the points? Racism (someone voiced concern about how dark their child may be. That by the way is not racism, it is the reflection of someone brought up in a monocular little world). How desperate she felt, so desperate that she didn't want to live any more and oh my Gad, Harry saved her. Oh and the media, you know, those guys that the Duchess is using today to push her story.

An insult to people's intelligence

In short, an insult to people's intelligence, an insult to anyone with real mental health issues and real-life problems and an insult to those who welcomed Megan into the Royal Family and into the hearts and minds of the people who support the Monarchy, which is ninety per cent of the Brits. How the Hell would she manage receiving a ridiculous pittance with which she was supposed to feed a family? How would she manage in the real world, doing the daily grind, bringing up a family the hard way and not sponging like a parasite then biting the hand that fed her?

Desperate? How the Hell does she think other people feel, you know, single mothers who face the death or departure of a partner, an eviction order and unemployment all at the same time? Do they fall apart and think about topping themselves? No, they show some grit and get on with it.

To put Megan in context, just have a look at Kate. I mean, it's like comparing a pearl with welts to a perfect diamond. What a difference. But then again, Kate's future is to be a very good Queen of England. Megan's is what? A failed Duchess looking for the next victim?