Heard the one about Nimrata Randhawa, whoops sorry, Nikki Haley, you know the USA's Ambassador to the United Nations, falling for a prank call admitting that Russia interfered in a non-existent country in the South China Sea called Binomo? Like, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Or is it, ROTFLMAO?
By now I am sure that the State Department in Washington competes with the Whore House, whoops sorry the White House, for notoriety. In the White House you get live sex shows and stand-up comedy acts with geriatric fuddy-duddies spending more time speaking about their golf handicaps, fighting their screaming wives off their backs after being caught entertaining young ladies. In short, it's the Dotard Show!
And the State Department tries but fails to steal the show with clownery. Why we had Colin Powell holding up a vial of powder claiming that Iraq had Weapons of Mass Destruction, based on magnificent "foreign intelligence" which turned out to be Tony Blair's jokers at Number Ten Downing Street in Whitehall (no you do NOT want to know what goes on there, believe me) copying and pasting a ten-year-old doctoral thesis from the Net and "sexing it up". This came after allegedly British sources forged a document from the International Atomic Energy Agency claiming that Saddam Hussein was procuring yellowcake uranium from "Nigeria". They meant "Niger".
Then we had Condoleezza (Bwahahahahahaha) Rice practising her scowl at each and every turn, increasing her insolence by the day after doing her sterling job at protecting the USA's National Security as National Security Advisor at the time of 9/11. Hillary Clinton followed, vying with Rice to see who could be more arrogant and insolent and the feather in her cap was Libya, the country with the highest Human Development Index in Africa ably sent by the US State Department back to the dark ages and crawling with terrorists. With a US Ambassador murdered in the process.
In sheer impudence, we had the Kerry act. All he needed was the wig and the red nose. That was until Tillerson took the helm with his inane comments about Russia's "regime". But today we have a third show on the road, at the UNO, where the USA's Ambassador is one Nimrata Randhawa. I say! That doesn't sound very Anglo-Irish, now, does it? No... but she goes by the name Nikki Haley, which is a tad more, you know. Yesterday she fell for a prank by two Russian pranksters called Vovan and Lexus. The summary is more or less as follows:
"Do you know Binomo? They have declared independence. We suppose Russians had its intervention." Nikki Haley: "Yes, of course they did. We've been watching that very closely."
Now, ladies and gentlemen, this would definitely be a case for Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off, or even a sonorous BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Like, how can the US Secretary to the United Nations Organization not know that Binomo doesn't exist? In any civilized country she would be summarily dismissed with the words "You're fired!" roaring from the lips of the host. Not in this show.
But it is not as simple as Vovan and Lexus pulling a prank and someone who should be much more on the ball falling for it, giving the notion that she considers Bonomo even exists and then admitting that Russia hijacked the non-existent election in a non-existent country. Some twelve years ago when I was international director of a news magazine distributed in Africa, I sent a reporter to interview an Under Secretary of State with a list of questions I had drawn up. One was the issue of Western Sahara.
The reporter came back with his interview in which the United States of America's Under Secretary of State responsible for African affairs stated, in a slow voice, obviously utterly oblivious to what or where Western Sahara was, "Oooooo Kay...our...ah......South East Asian department is handling that....ah.....so....ah.....".
No I did not publish the interview because my aim was to present African news which dignified Africa, not to embarrass the USA because some incompetent schmuck was in a position she was totally unqualified to hold.
Speaking of Binomo... I heard that a western European bank was looking for operatives for their call center in Mumbai? But then again, real authentic Indians are nothing like Apu of the Simpsons. They are intelligent and articulate, and educated. Someone tell "Nikki Haley" that The Simpsons are looking for an understudy for Apu. Oh my goodness... I don't think she would get the part.
*Timothy Bancroft-Hinchey has worked as a correspondent, journalist, deputy editor, editor, chief editor, director, project manager, executive director, partner and owner of printed and online daily, weekly, monthly and yearly publications, TV stations and media groups printed, aired and distributed in Angola, Brazil, Cape Verde, East Timor, Guinea-Bissau, Portugal, Mozambique and São Tomé and Principe Isles; the Russian Foreign Ministry publication Dialog and the Cuban Foreign Ministry Official Publications. He has spent the last two decades in humanitarian projects, connecting communities, working to document and catalog disappearing languages, cultures, traditions, working to network with the LGBT communities helping to set up shelters for abused or frightened victims and as Media Partner with UN Women, working to foster the UN Women project to fight against gender violence and to strive for an end to sexism, racism and homophobia. A Vegan, he is also a Media Partner of Humane Society International, fighting for animal rights. He is Director and Chief Editor of the Portuguese version of Pravda.Ru.
Photo By Lilly M - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2653153