Somerset as Stand-In: How to Avoid 'That' Girl

Alright, kiddies, based solely on statistics many (technically speaking, a "Helluva lot”) of you little fellows are being raised by single mothers with virtually no stable male presence in your early lives.

Photo: https://unsplash.com by alise storsul is licensed under Free

Two people holding hands

With all due respect Single Moms, your tykes are gonna need to learn things only a Man can teach…so consider this another entry in protecting The Yutes on their way to not getting wrecked in this world.

Particularly, today we shall address "That” Girl and the proper way to avoid her…or at least protect yourself in the all-but-inevitable circumstance you fall for her wiles.

The Accidental Seduction

"Round about a million years ago, when Yours Truly was but a lad himself, a friend came to me with a problem. He had met a fantabulous vision for whom he was heels (as in, head over) and requested that I assist on maneuvers (having then had a certain reputation in such regard).

Once ascertaining a lay of the land I hit upon my ingenious plan of attack — to wit, she was employed as Clerk in a stationery boutique. (And, er, yes, I am dating myself…)

"Here's what you do…Find a romantic card, somewhere back of the store where she can't observe. Take a pen, write inside she's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, add a postscript asking her to dine. Then you take aforementioned card to pay. When doing so, utter unto your dream gal, "This is the ideal greeting…except someone already wrote inside of it!' while feigning shock. She opens card, blushes, reiterate the evening invitation, and you got her — this dame refuses THAT and I'll buy supper myself!”

(Incidentally, my tactic was all original…although feel at liberty to use in your own amorous idylls.)

Obviously, it worked. Only problem? — I neglected to identify our target. When my friend brought her to a party afterward I vaguely recollected her visage. Soon, a third friend of ours sidled over to me and shared, "Uhhh…this girl he's brought…I don't know if I should mention…but she's not that…"nice'”.

In those days there were "nice” girls and "not nice” girls (AKA slags). Immediately I remembered where I clocked this cutie, assured the mutual Chum he did the right thing, and tactfully alerted my Pal.

Moral of story? A fair friend can help you get a good girl, a faithful friend will help you dodge a bad one.

Evidently, the ensuing suckers had no Besties at all looking out for them…

Baby Mama Drama — Elon Musk & Ashley St. Clair

It must truly revolt to be the "Wealthiest Man in the World” and bankrupt in the Friend Department.

How else to explain the relentlessly poor decision-making of Elon in choosing his Baby Mamas?

Clearly, there is not a single person taking him aside in his frequent moments of peril to exclaim…”Really, Bro!?!”.

Most recently Lonnie got himself wrapped in the wringer of E-Girl Drama which…Elon! You OWN a Social Media company and STILL are not aware of the First Rule of Slut Club?…NO E-GIRLS!

Anyway, Musk chose Ashley St. Clair who modeled herself a "Conservative” just long enough to get the Braying Billionaire into bed. Then…Ohhh! On SECOND thought, she now approves of Transsexuals and wants to do outreach to "The Community”. Which…is a view…except this AFTER she got bumped.

NOT-Incidentally, it was likewise post Elon leaving Ash in the heap.

Having shown her photo to (genuinely attractive) Lolly Girls for outside analysis of the matter the report came back to me, "She's very regularly!”. (Meaning, in Slav-speak, "She chopped!”.) What's crazy? St. Sombre is barely…wait for it…but 27 years old!

NO JOKE. Is she cosplaying someone's mother? Is that the fetish? Only Elon can say for sure.

As I understand, Musk literally has a phalanx of bodyguards…maybe 50 wherever he roams. That being so, NOT A SOLITARY PERSON around this Tech "Guru” ran over to shout…”BRO!”.

Honestly, Elon, those half-century of soldiers did less to protect you during two days in St. Barths than one confidante would have done to save you sorry embarrassment.

Operative inference? Lust is tolerable, Friendlessness is inexcusable.

Yacht Girls Galore — Prince Harry & Meghan Markle

So very lamentable. So much promise. So variable the options.

Then THIS.

Did you know, Sportsfans, at one time Prince Harry was more popular than the late Queen? For sterling.

And yeah…there was the upset with his mother…and the rumor about his father…and the dumping by his LTR the super-incredible hot blonde…(except, I hear he cheated on her so…WT even F, boy!?!).

Be it as it may, how is it that even where I sit I was receiving casual talk Megs was a Soho House Girl. As well as being a Yacht Girl. In addition, she was a Party Girl on the side of his VERY OWN buddies.

Seriously, that is some Low-Down Ridicularity.

When your family doesn't step in (despite controlling an entire Government). When your brother doesn't do more than say "Are you sure?” rather than "Are you daft!?!”. When your supposed crew doesn't reconnoiter some opportunity to show you the pics (which are now circulating).

Honestly…the betrayal of this stooge by everyone involved is nauseating.

The operative? Make sure your "friends” are actual friends. Otherwise, you get caught out.

Any Means Famous — Charlie Kirk & Erika Frantzve

This poor sap. Really. Did Chuck have ZERO mates? I mean…tarnation. *sigh* Okay, let's review the case.

Charlie Kirk was a reasonably ordinary looking male specimen. He wasn't ugly, but did have a weird toothy grin as well as unfortunate forehead to face ratio. That being said, he was hardly John Merrick.

By the moment he met Erika our boi was making bank as sellout to the Ethnic Replacement Lobby while primed to ascend ever higher Tax Brackets. This made Mr. Brown, who until then had not experienced copious amounts of female attention, an easy "mark”…with apparently nobody watching his back.

When Sparkle Bra came on the scene she had passed the Age-Old Trajectory of Pageant Girl…to unreleased Indie Film starlet…to Music Video vixen…to Brand Ambassador…to "Influencer”.

Reflect on such a resume and even the dimmest among us should recognize this kick wanted a shine.

Except — seemingly — it was not working nowise for her. She was 30 when she "interviewed” for a position at his organization. Poor Kirk? Merely 25. Oh, you pitiable, deluded, schmuck…*double sigh* Anyway, this Early Middle-Age Spinster promptly spun her web and bagged her quarry.

Did Chuck have NONE to pull him aside? Seriously…NO ONE? Geez…

Here's what SOMEONE ought to have said, "Hey…Look, pal…She's a doll. No doubt. Also ripe. You're on the way up. She's on the way down. If you REALLY want her, so be it. Yet before getting all in this, please…let's have a glance at where she's been "cause…I'm betting she ain't so pious as she pretends”.

Sadly, here was an adolescent aching for Sexytime Attention and when he got a little he sank himself.

Operative lesson? If you have no experience The Ladies, have a good wingman aware of their ways.

We've ALL Been There

Confession Time, Fam — Your Humble Correspondent is not above going a little ga-ga. It's been awhile, but I've been the fool myself.

Eons ago I was crazy for a lithe cutie. Tragically, she was a tramp. In my defence, I was not aware.

Another fellow — IMPORTANTLY, a schoolmate I despised and who despised me — one day took me aside in the gymnasium and very softly and quietly informed me about what was what in the circumstance.

He was patient, dare I say kind, and allowed me to ask as many questions on the thing as needed until convinced what he was saying was legit.

We never got along following that tiny interlude, but I grudgingly respected him for what he did for me.

So understand no matter how attractive you are, how many shekels you own, what family you come from, or how intelligent you (think) you may be — we fellahs have ALL been there at some point or another; dames are too durned pretty to avoid getting taken in by their lovely perky…well, everything's.

Thus, don't feel like you're the first Man to have avoided looking at facts staring you directly in the face.

When it happens, hope some fellow cautions you, and do your duty of informing another should you see him making the same mistake. (Vitally, if your Pal likes "bad” girls, it's his preference, only allow your Chum the dignity of going into things knowingly.)

As for that gal who so deviously attempted to deceive? Three kids, two divorces, one small house, zero men in her orbit. Because this is a true story no exaggeration — she isn't dirt poor, just totally abandoned now her cuteness levels have been depleted…and living FAR reduced than had she been true.

Which, I suppose, makes this piece a Two-Fer: Men, look out for (and LISTEN to) each another. Women, don't be whores.

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America