Confession of a clairvoyant

I diligently followed the master’s advise, meditated two hours every morning and evening. In two weeks I felt that this was not enough for me and I started to pronounce spells at night. My relatives looked at me as if I was mad, so I decided to meditate at night. Once I missed meditation and noticed that psychic tension was growing in my. I felt irritable and for the first time I heard an outside voice as if pronouncing: “This is to you because of your disobedience.” Of course, I thought this was a hallucination, though later this same voice started to sound more and more often. And I understood that the master’s promises started to realize. This was confirmed when I recommenced my healing activity.

Once, my old friend came to my, whom I earlier often treated and said that she again had troubles with her heart, and even more often than before. I carefully looked at her and a picture appeared before my eyes at which I saw stitches and understood that my fried would be operated.

I said to my patient that an operation expected her. The same things happened with other patients. An outside voice predicted misfortune or gladness. The rumour about my talent was spread in our district, soon my flat was not capable to seat all comers. I do not want to cover: I was paid, and not badly. I even was curios, how we could live earlier with my husband, when now, earning so much, I hardly could live from these incomes. I thought I needed more, the outside voice confirmed it.

In one year I bought a big flat in the very centre of Moscow and sold the small flat we lived before in. Though, in a month after we removed, I at once lost my husband and my son who had lived in another city: he came to visit us, and both of them died in a car accident. While burying my beloved once, I heard the voice again, which said that I was necessary to the space. Afterwards, the voice stopped sounding for some time, so I had to make a pause in my practice. Then, my late husband started to come to me who told the same every time: “Stop contacting to the Devil, we suffer because of you…”

I would have neglected these dreams, if not for one case. Once, I came to the cemetery and started to cry. An old woman came to me and said: “Do not cry so much. This does not do good to them, and to you, too. It is a sin to cry so much about the late. You should better pray for them.” And I told to the woman about my dream. As she learned about my “work,” she at once jumped aside and started to cross me, while I felt so badly because of her crossing me, that I even felt near to the grave and could not move any part of my body, I only looked at her. While going away, the old woman said: “You have given your soul to the Satan, together with your family. You should go to the church and tell everything to the priest, or bad things will happen to you.” If I had known that my beloved ones’ death was not the last trouble, I would have preferred to die, than to go through what expected me later… At first I could not go the church and to tell to the priest about my trade. Though, finally this stone on my soul became too heavy, because my late husband kept caming to me in my dreams. He even menaced with punishment. And one Sunday, I came to the church. Since morning I felt very badly, I had a fever. I thought I had caught a cold and changed my mind. And in the evening, I already felt well. While next day, I again received patients. Next week, on Saturday, I thought about going to the church again. In the evening, my old friend came to me. She looked happy, brought champagne and sweets. She was intending to get married. We had a nice supper. She left my at 11.00 p.m. I came to bed. While in the morning I was taken to hospital because of poisoning. So, I could not go to the church again. There were five more attempts, though every time something happened which hindered me from going to the church. And I became frightened. I felt being completely overridden by some unknown power. And I would have probably never gone to the church, thought a miracle happened.

Since my first attempt, six month passed. I stood at the balcony and saw a car nearing to my house. A priest got out and entered my entrance. I decided to speak to the priest. I was afraid that this was the only chance to speak to him.

I left my flat and started to search for the priest, asking about him in different flats. I found him in the third floor. He was consecrating a flat in which a family of believers had moved. When the priest went out, I explained what I wanted from him. He was interested in my problem and agreed to come in my flat. We talked about an hour, afterwards, the priest said that I should prepare myself for the confession, without putting it off. And he also recommended to burn all the “healing” books and never repeat the “healing” practice.

Just after the conversation, I felt better and decided to finish my job. Though, an hour later I felt depressed. I did not know how to earn money now. I decided to put off the confession and kept receiving patients. Though, there were less visitors every month who wanted to learn their future. And finally the time came, when I had only two or three patients a month. I felt boring being alone in the big flat. I had nobody to say a word. My people next door avoided me: they probably were jealous of my prosperity, or they simply considered me being a witch. I was sad, though suddenly I remembered about my daughter-in-law, who lived in Volgograd region with my 4-year-old grandson and her mother. I wrote a letter to her, asking to go to Moscow to live. In a month, both of them, my daughter-in-law and my grandson, came to Moscow. In a moth, she found a good job, so I remained with my grandson at home.

While occupying myself with the child, I completely forget my meditation. At first I even felt better without it, though in three months, my grandson started to irritate me. From some unknown reasons I felt angry. I noticed that this fury was directed to my grandson: although the boy behaved almost perfectly, I always wanted to abuse or to hit him. I could not control myself.

So, I decided to recommence meditation. While meditating once, I strange luminous creature came to me and asked: “Do you want to be powerful and very rich?” I said: “Yes.” The creature said: “I can give it to you, if you give me what you love most of all.” The creature disappeared. While meditating again, I tried to connect the creature to ask what it meant. Though, the creature no more came.

Some time passed. I became more quiet.

I cannot forget this day: February 13. As usually, I was together with my grandson. The boy was playing in the room of my late husband. Suddenly I heard glass breaking. I rushed into the room and saw the frightened boy and close to him the broken portrait of my husband and the tea set we had received as wedding present, which was also broken in thousand pieces.

I do not know what happened to my that moment, though my mind probably became obscured. I started to beat my grandson, while he was trying to hide himself somewhere. Finally, he found a “sanctuary” under the sofa, while I came to the kitchen, trying to settle down. I seemed to feel asleep. As if through a haze, I again saw the luminous creature that said: “Today, you should show your love to my. And I will give you the power to rule over people. Though, you should sacrifice.” Being completely confused, I asked: “What sacrifice do you mean?” The creature answered: “Your grandson’s blood.” “I cannot!” – I cried. And I woke up. In a couple of minutes I rose from the armchair as if following somebody’s command and went to the sofa where I left my grandson hiding. Though, now the child was at the balcony. Spite the cold outside, the child was there. I was crept over with fury and cried: “You are that one whom I have to kill!” Of course I should have stopped myself and restrain my temper. Though, I could not. And I pushed the boy off from the balcony (my flat is in the sixth floor)… Actually, there is nothing to add to the story. At first I was detained and afterwards sent to mental hospital for an examination. And afterwards… It does not matter for me where I will remain: here or in a prison. Now I feel empty. I even do not feel my soul in me. I can only hear somebody laughing inside me, some invisible creature.