John W. Lamb: Remember, we can all be confident that Colin will save the Middle East

Editors, Pravda. Gentlemen,

I am somewhat apprehensive writing to you about our beloved Secretary of State lest you think that I have yearly wasted hundreds of dollars on the San Jose Mercury News and similar newspapers. Colin Powell is a very, very great man. He was born in New York City in 1937. (I'm willing to bet my last dollar that few of you can make such a claim to importance.) Currently Colin is in Israel. He belongs there for many reasons. For example, he learned about Department of Defense Politics as a special assistant to Caspar Weinberger; and, furthermore, holds an honorary doctoral degree awarded by Yeshiva University in 1993. But Colin is more than just a vast mind. He has great compassion as well. Yesterday, now that the massacre at Jenin is over and Ramallah is under ruined control, Colin stopped by to talk to Arafat (about whom I know very little. Frankly, I thought that Sharon was the fat one but I'm not sure of it.). This gesture of Colin's makes sense to me. It's always nice to get your picture taken with Nobel Prize Laureates even if it is only a one-third winner who is available. (It could have been a two-thirds photo opportunity but unfortunately the Jews have already killed Rabin and Peres is too upset these days to be of any use to anybody.)

In conclusion I'm ashamed to confess that I paid a gypsy $10 to cast Colin's horoscope. If you don't believe in astrology, then that's fine with me. For ten dollars I can share with you that Colin would have made a great geologist if he'd only not been distracted away from his studies. Geology's loss is everybody's gain, right?

Now, remember that Colin is Kosher and so we can all be confident that he'll save the Middle East.

Sincerely, John W. Lamb United States of America