Disappointment: Inaccurate View of Reality

One thing that has always been recommended is to adopt a philosophy that if you expect nothing, you will never be disappointed. Try as one might, it’s a concept that’s impossible to accept. You still hope, you still expect certain things. Disappointment seems to be one reliable, steady companion. One that will keep you in a vice like grip.

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There seems to be at least two ways the word "disappointment" is used. For example, you might open a CD case expecting to find the CD inside, but the case is empty. So you are disappointed to find it empty. But you do not feel that you are being judgmental or disapproving.

On the other hand, as a parent you might say to your child, for example, "I can't believe you got suspended! What is wrong with you?" In this case we might say disappointment is a combination of disapproval and disbelief and it is making a judgment call. The parent tells the child "I am utterly disappointed in you," or, "you really disappointed me." Think for a moment how the child would feel hearing these words. For example they might feel guilty, blamed, inadequate, unworthy, ashamed.

It is more helpful to look at disappointment as something we do to ourselves. This is because it seems to arise out of our own expectations or demands about how we think the world should be or how we think other people should act.

In other words, "disappointment" is an inaccurate view of reality. Looking at it this way can help us accept that we didn't really understand things as well as we thought we did and that our expectations were unrealistic. By looking at it this way it is easier for us to take responsibility for it and thus to reduce the negative feelings which usually accompany it. It also helps us avoid laying guilt trips on others.

Well one nice thing is that your pets will never disappoint you. The dog will always wag his tail and express his joy when he hears or sees you coming home. Your cats will contentedly purr while you hug their tiny human baby size body and stroke their soft cuddly fur.

Lisa KARPOVA
PRAVDA.Ru