Author`s name Dmitry Sudakov

Married couples may need to sleep in separate beds for healthier relationship

We are likely to picture a bed shared by spouses when we hear the term “matrimonial bed” being mentioned. However, quite a few people believe that spouses should sleep in separate beds and share some space only for the purpose of exercising the pleasant conjugal rights. They claim that the practice can keep the fire burning longer than usual. Sergei Agarkov, chairman of the Regional Public Movement for Support of Sexual Culture, agreed to comment on the controversial issue at the request of

First off, we would like to put forward several arguments normally cited by those who are opposed to the traditional concept of one bed for husband and wife. First, a legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife implies a certain degree of unity, togetherness etc. But marriage cannot even out two different people in terms of personal habits and preferences. One person may like to sleep on his back; another one may prefer sleeping on the tummy. One person may toss and turn all over the bed for hours; another one may snore so loudly that his partner will have to use earplugs.

Second, sleeping in one bed is not the best option from the hygienic point of view. The disadvantages of sleeping together include millions of microbes which migrate freely from one body to the other, a poor ventilation of underpants, increased levels of carbon dioxide produced by two people lying in close proximity to each other etc. Exchanging bodily warmth seems to be the only benefit, especially when central heating is out of order and the cold rain is drizzling outside.

Third, the Russian philosopher Vladimir Rozanov published a book titled The Moonlight People in 1913. One of the passages of his book reads: “We can explain exceptional health and beauty of ancient Greeks, Palestinian Jews and today’s Muslims by drawing attention to the fact that a husband would visit his wife who lived separately in a marquee. The husband would make love to his wife in a way that it is so fresh and tender, and lastly, so sweet and energetic… The marquee copulation resembles the conjugal bliss a man in this country can experience when he comes back home after working away in a nearby town for a week or two.”

Only those born of the tempest are endowed with talent, beauty and strength, writes Rozanov. That is the reason why the children of the ancient Greeks were born so beautiful and strong. The offspring conceived in the Russian “parental beds” come into the world in large numbers. But most of them are flabby and susceptible to diseases, adds the philosopher while putting the blame on a lack of “conception energy.” A husband sharing a bed with his wife for years cannot but know her inside out. The husband’s sex urge toward his wife will eventually vanish because marriage is no longer enwrapped in a veil of mystery.

Professor Agarkov comments on the above arguments

“These views on the subject are not new. To some extent, all of them seem to be grounded in populism. In actuality, the practice of sleeping together can have a strong emotional effect on the sexual relationship of a married couple. It is rather difficult to imagine young spouses sleeping apart because the young and healthy individuals feel a lot greater desire to have sex than the older people do. As a rule, all sorts of reasons and arguments to support the alleged benefits of sleeping apart occur in the latter part of matrimonial experience.

The first cracks may lead to estrangement when problems arise in the relations between husband and wife and the emotional bond between them grows weaker.

You cannot blame it all on one’s personal habits or character traits, which other people may find troublesome at night. For example, nocturnal snoring can suddenly become a real problem for the spouses whose marriage has begun to go sour.

In any case, the use of separate beds during marriage is not the cause, it is an effect caused by worsening of sexual relations. A distance between the two people usually grows wider as love grows colder. Those who are held tightly together by a strong emotional bond prefer sleeping in the same bed till the very old age.

To sum it up, I would like to stress the point that spouses who share a bed cannot do damage whatsoever to their sexual relationship provided the relationship is normal. However, it makes no difference whether they sleep together or apart if they have a faulty sexual relationship – it will come to an end sooner or later.”

Translated by Guerman Grachev