Catine E. Perkins: With a heavy heart, I try to write

My emotions are frozen in space, so beyond trying to figure “why” and “who” is responsible, I cannot comprehend such an act upon innocent people.
We have reached such an atavistic stage in this frail earth of ours, that expressing a sorrow seems liken, to batting the wind.. By this, I mean the true sorrow one feels cannot truly be expressed, since even the thought of this horror committed….. crushes one’s spirit into the ground.

What is to be done beyond blame and anger?  I am thinking about our “Oklahoma City Bombing” with children, once again, as victims.
Of course, this terror was speedy by comparison, if that can ever give comfort.              
Time heals and one can distance oneself, unless, the loss was  personal. It is then that tears dry in the heart and one becomes accustomed to the pain, as a part of one's existence.

Timothy McVeigh, who was executed for the Oklahoma City bombing, brought magnified voices, in a choir, from the American people to “kill him!’ By my intuition, I sensed he had more to tell us ,yet the speed satisfied many.

What makes a middle class American boy a ‘TERRORIST” is in my thoughts, since I cannot go to Russia in my head. My emotions are completely frozen about Russia with her painful plight.
So I go to the community of near Buffalo, N. Y. and think about Timothy McVeigh’s father, a respected man by his neighbors.
His mother was less adapted but with her background..... in a
Southern enculturation or, perhaps, in reality, Appalachia, it would not be comfortable in Yankee territory for her. Yet, the situation would not be dire enough to produce a “terrorist!”  Schooling for Timothy McVeigh was the usual cruel tricks played upon him, of which, some Americans consider normal, but again, nothing to produce a” TERRORIST”. Timothy McVeigh was an outstanding soldier but                                                          
I sensed a pain, when he told of killing a young Arab soldier, during “Desert Storm!”. The look on the young Arab’s face in this close encounter, stayed with him. He began questioning    the reason for these killings. My memory bank remembered this aspect, so clearly.

And then, in Wasco, Texas, the Dividian Branch, where government forces attacked David Keresh, along with his worshippers. Children were killed and burned, which
left many Americans stunned, including Timothy McVeigh. Many Americans did not understand why our Federal Government took such a stance, since the local Sheriff said “Howdy” to David Keresh almost daily, as he came into town
(Waco). Many felt David Keresh was our Rasputin or shades of him but again, a government killing children seemed so Soviet Style, right? Again, there was a price for what this holy man gave but the good people of Waco did not judge. It took
me a while to understand why they did not judge this self made holy man.
Another situation that was bothersome to Timothy McVeigh was that the American Family farms were losing ground to the big corporations, who were devouring this aspect of the American Life.
Although, I must admit that this was far more civilized than say Stalin’s reforms with the Kulaks, yet this aspect meant aloss of freedom, to many Americans, who loved their soil and for many, it was generational, thus a precious, heretary continuation.

But in the Oklahoma City bombing a few years back, 168 people were dead, over 500 injured and 19 were children. Some surviving children relearned to use limbs that were replaced and such. .Remember, this was a TERRORIST  within
a nation. Again, may I ask…who and what are TERRORISTS? What made our Timothy McVeigh a TERORRIST, pray tell?

Oklahoma City is a city well equipped with emergency equipment, since it is not far out in the “boom docks” as we say in “ Americanese,”  but yet, this too, had it’s
unique form of horror. So again, what do THE PEOPLE do? I beg of all,… do not blame or scream…more murder, please!  We have had enough of killing for several lifetimes.

May I ask if killing “TERRORSTS” and the possibility of ridding all them by death, is  a grave illusion?  Does not killing beget more killing?  Does not injustice bring more TERRORISTS?  It sure reads this way from my literary lens.

America’s Timothy McVeigh was created not born but I believed he loved his country. What went wrong? I believe he should have been given a chance to open up and talk….he eventually would have and perhaps, prevented other acts of terror.

In comparison, may I please make one more point? The “UNABOMBER,” THEODORE KACZYNESKI, also did some bombing but mostly getting even with university
staff.  Don’t get mad but get even was his mode! This TERRORIST managed to do some mischief but bare with me, so I can ask why? WHY? Can we not ask WHY?
Should we not ask, WHY? 

Admitted to Harvard at about age of15, if my memory serves me. Kaczyneski was placed in an isolated room, which in it’s self was chilling. In short, he got his brain twisted
by volunteering for drug experimentation. It is a poignant story about a very intelligent young man, who ended up .... in a prison cell next…. to Timothy McVeigh.
They became friends but the point I want to bring is that Theodore Kaczyneski is still alive, serving his term in prison. So what does that tell one?

The good Christians had no thoughts, of delaying the execution for Timothy McVeigh and their shouts of kill him, still resound in my ears. But the Jewish Culture saved Theodore Kaczyneski from this fate and we cannot help to admire…this taking care of their own. Perhaps, this is because they believe in the living
and not in the hereafter, liken to the Moslems and Christians. An interesting subject within it’s self, when giving thought in a blood soaked earth.
                                                                                           When THE PEOPLE, have had enough of these killings, can they stop their government’s war machines? There is enough blame to circle this earth many times. Thus, when the sorrow is so unbearable, we must find solutions. Also we must understand that it is an illusionary idea to kill all so called “terrorists”!
This concept is a breeding ground, of which, has grown and ignited a hate virus throughout our frail universe.
Nor must governments play the game of “tit for tat” with death of innocent people and their children. Should this mischief not be addressed? Again and again, WHY? WHY? WHY?

Thank you.

Catine E. Perkins
Bastrop, Tx

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Author`s name Evgeniya Petrova