Elegy for a Maverick – The Passing of Ted Turner

I hear you, Sportsfans.

Photo: commons.wikimedia.org by Gotfryd, Bernard, photographer, https://creativecommons.org/public-domain/pdm/

Ted Turner April 1985

"A piece about some former media Baron? Yeah…I'm not reading that…”

Only, give me a few minutes because I can give you insight on Turner you won't get anywhere else.

Aside from which, he is what we used to call "a character” back in the day, before everything, and particularly everyone, became a uniform hodgepodge of Next Major Deal living in Current Year.

Whether you like them or you loathe them, unique people can enrich your experience…so hang on…

PRETTY ROUGH PREFACE — Origin Story

Whoever Ted wanted to be, who he became was a businessman. So much is well known.

What did Ted want to be? An artist. Oh, not a Bohemian sort freezing in a garret, but he definitely had the tendency. Listen close, because that is a lot more important to his accomplishments than being educated at Brown (from which, "The Wall Street Journal” informs, "he left before graduation”…AKA he was a dropout) — If a Man can think loftily he is halfway toward making his mark in this mudball.

When Turner quit university, he went to work at the Billboard company created by his father. (A sire who, it should be noted, made sure Ted was cognizant of the disappointment felt in the youth studying "Classics”.) As if being an apparent embarrassment to Papa wasn't bad enough, not long afterward the elder consented a poor business decision which led to him committing suicide in the family bathtub.

So Ted became the new Boss. He cancelled the bad agreement. Began buying small-time media operations.

LESSON ONE — You're a Product of Your Time

This Author despises the "He would've been a success at anything!” mantra so frequently heard today.

It's not true. It sets people on the path of failure. Allow me to elucidate: The C. I.A. has done studies on everything, but for present illustration was a review about Tech Titans. Guess what? Didn't really matter where you came from…or went to school…or who were your parentals. Except it was learned you had to be born in a precise year to become a Tech Leader.

Why, you may ask? Because conditions required a person be old enough to have the mental capacity, whatever level of training, to grasp the gravity of the moment. Simultaneously, a person had to be young enough, without extraneous obligations such as kiddies, to risk an entire future on Innovation.

This was likewise the situation for Turner, who made his real money with adapting satellite technology to provide his Atlanta-based newsroom to the entire nation; a little outfit that eventually became CNN.

A year or two earlier? No way, satellites too expensive. A year or two later? Sorry, the big players got in.

Turner was in the exact correct instant with the precise raw materials to become Cable Industry Guru.

So the moral here? Obviously, Ted had foresight…but it only gets you so far. You are not dumb or even ignorant by virtue of not doing the same as the "Winners” in this game…you just need to uncover your opportunity of which to take advantage. You — yes, YOU, personally — can do it…if you find your niche.

LESSON TWO — Live Your Passion…But Share Your Ardor

Remember how I mentioned Turner had a touch of theater to him? Well, one time, when trying to complete a particularly quarrelsome contract…and following many hours and days of negotiation…Ted appeared in the Conference Room wearing a full-on costume of a Confederate General, whereupon he threw down his drawn sword over the table and shouted to "Get the deal done!”.

(Recall, I mentioned you would be hearing anecdotes you won't be reading in other Memorials.)

Among the best things Ted ever did was try to make a Movie Studio. (If you aren't of an artistic bent, trust, we ALL dream of making our own Movie Studio.) Only, Turner came a stride nearer than most.

In 1986 he valiantly attempted to resurrect the mangy feline called MGM (previously crème-de-la-crème of the motion picture landscape). In an exchange with the rat-bastard Kirk Kerkorian (whose grave I am seriously at this second considering driving over to desecrate) Ted got control…also a pile of debt.

(Incidentally, the reason I hate the justly demised Kerkorian is he auctioned off all the MGM treasures for pennies…then sold the backlots for casinos…and likely assaulted Dorothy of Oz while on his way out.)

Anyhow, while Turner was unable to commence making films with MGM again, he fought tooth and nail to keep the mane of Leo…and he was victorious. The library (i.e., all the old films, what is now deemed "content”) was able to be saved.

Initially this was used for a new channel known as TNT. Yep, the one currently screening perpetual NBA Finals and "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” on repeat. Originally that station was all Classics.

(Ted even tried to finance some pictures, notably in my esteem, "The Habitation of Dragons” by playwright Horton Foote as well as "The Water Engine” by David Mamet; two titans in themselves.)

Eventually Turner made a transition (some might say compromise) to resign TNT to the "Pop Show” arena it has become with the caveat he carve out TCM (Turner Classic Movies) as replacement. That channel was the premiere location for "Film Buffs” to gather before the internet, and where there were no advertisements. A casual pal of mine, Robert Osborne (along with his binder "Blackie”) was Host.

Indeed, the erudition of Osborne, who passed in 2017, is sorely missed. He was a kind and genuine figure; exemplified during an interview with Ben Mankiewicz (relation to Joseph, from "Citizen Kane” fame) when the younger inquired about his joining TCM. To which, Robert mentioned the final choice was between him and Bob Dorian, of whom Mankiewicz joked, "…no one ever heard again!” and of whom Osborne (essentially) replied with grace, "No, Bob is a respected film Historian who did great things”.

While millions glanced at CNN in airports over the years, many talents were inspired by TCM.

LESSON THREE — Be Somewhat Weird

This part is no "revelation”. In fact, Your Humble Correspondent doesn't even have much proof.

So you can believe what you want.

But in certain circles it is established Ted Turner was one of, if not the, funder for the Georgia Guidestones. In case you are unfamiliar, those were a set of granite monoliths somewhat akin to Stonehenge that mysteriously rose of a morn in 1980, located Elbert County, Georgia.

Engraved on their planes were several "rules” for Humanity to follow in order not to become as screwed up as we are right now. (Why, oh why, couldn't Turner have included, "No Bombastic Reality Personalities as President!”…I'll never know…maybe because Ted briefly considered running himself.)

The "suggestions” were in eight languages and attributed thereon to "R.C. Christian”.

Overall, it was a fun bit of fluff — the kind aforementioned "characters” used to do all the time. For instance, "SOMEONE” *cough* *cough* maybe once had a bronze plaque in his own honor made which was surreptitiously affixed to a coy pond in a shopping mall…that was astoundingly never discovered.

Except in the case of the Guidestones we had reached the dawn of the Conspiracy Age, where everything is accused of being part and parcel of The New World Order…which…isn't much fun.

So on July 6, 2022, a bomb detonated the monument with the remnants donated to the local quarry. There are no plans to put it back and no suspects ever arrested — nor are likely to be.

FINAL ACTS — The Curtain is Velvet, Not of Cotton Fiber

Recently Yours Truly has been reading about several passings…it becomes a pastime.

Many of those people are what might have been considered "prominent”. Big Politicos. Big Businessmen. Big Names.

Where are they now? Senators and Representatives latterly fawned over by hordes of lackeys barely rate wrapping the fish. Lengthy careers with bank accounts having many zeros are rendered nil by new Billionaires. The individuals "everyone” had to meet depart with hardly anyone noticing them gone.

Ted Turner assembled hundreds of millions of dollars. He owned plenty of news stations. At one time, the Chief managed the Atlanta Braves baseball organization. That is a lot of reach today, and it was massive then.

Yet what does Turner actually leave Humanity?

A library of the highest caliber films he protected that have influenced multitudes. A smaller group of extremely valuable original movies that otherwise would not have been done at all. A sense of mirth seldom witnessed in the maw of Cancel Culture with its wrathful vengeance against every individuality.

The money doesn't last — but the memories will.

Guy Somerset writes from somewhere in America