Offspring of the hit, but ‘DOOM’ed from the start

These whose who plan to attend Universal's loose adaptation of computer hit ‘DOOM’ should be warned that while half a dozen archeologists have disappeared from Olduvai, a Martian space station, five times as many IQ points are gone too.

To find the missing scientists, a ragtag team of Marines is dispatched to Olduvai via teleportation. Their mission is to shut down the station to prevent whatever has run amok from getting to Earth.

What's run amok is a creature that kills and infects, creating zombies and worse. The Marines, who are led by the unflaggingly charismatic Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, make a shocking discovery that the gamers in the audience already know. The monstrous conditions are the result of a nutty experiment involving the unmapped 10 percent of the human genome!

But enough about that: There are cave-dwelling special effects to shoot up and silly dialogue to say. ''Now let's see if we can find the body that goes with that arm" is one choice instruction.

"Doom" is dreary-looking and painfully slow, but it's not terrible. Even if Andrzej Bartkowiak's direction never rises above straight-to-video schlock (the film's look and tempo are intensely "Highlander III: The Sorcerer"), the screenplay by David Callaham and the veteran Wesley Strick supplies enough tolerable ridiculousness to make up for the pitiful absence of suspense, reports Boston Globe.

The squad leader is The Rock, and that he is with shoulders a mile wide and a snarling mug that all but screams for a cheap stogie. The grunts in his command are a cartoonish (or video-game-ish) crew haphazardly cut from squeamish, psycho or insubordinate cloths.

One of them has a sister who's a lead Martian researcher in the archaeological expedition, which leads to another kind of conflict. The brother/sister thing is also the device that triggers the movie's most hilarious and ingenious sequence — the guncam shot that perfectly mimics the gameplay millions of "Doom" fanatics know so well.

Rather than simply throw in the guncam slapdash, the filmmakers make it an imaginative, crowd-pleasing single take that bursts with perfect timing into the outrageous goings-on.

The final twist ending also turns into an unexpected bout of rousing, well-crafted whimsy.

As if in spite of the worry Hollywood has about video games cutting into movie profits, "Doom" rides the wave with a giddy sense of, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em," informs the Seattle Times.

P.T.